No jokes
How did the digital clock show off to its mother?
Look, Ma, no hands!
Riddle me this, Batman, what's long, round, and has cum in the middle?
Batman: A dick.
Riddler: NO NO NOOO! It's a cucumber!
What does a French guy say when he falls off?
Oh no, Eiffel!
What do you call a man with no arms or legs being pulled by a boat?
Skip.
What do you call a dog with no legs?
It doesn’t matter; it ain’t coming to you.
Why are there no fat people in Japan?
Last time they had a "Fat Man," 80,000 people died.
My wife is mad that I have no sense of direction. So I packed up my stuff and went right.
If you ever think no one cares about you,
kill someone, then the news will.
My mom was cooking dinner and asked me if I could get her a cutting board.
"No, I need you to take off your shirt and lay on the island so I can cut some chicken."
Not a joke but there's nowhere else to post this, (mainly this post is for the broke people without a gym). Did you know that the body can't tell if you're using weights? So lifting weights are optional.
Some beginner workouts without weights for like really weak people:
1. Sit-ups 10 reps 2. Push-ups 20 per reps 3. Squats 10 per reps 4. Crunches 10 per reps
Why can't Americans play chess? They have no towers.
Your mama is so fat that when she went to the scale, it said, "No elephants allowed!"
What movie do orphans relate to the most?
"Spider-Man: No Way Home." (Either that or Batman.)
Did you hear about the broken guitar for sale?
It comes with no strings attached.
What has 2 arms but no legs?
A crippled woman with no more meaning in her life.
Imagine playing Subway Surfers in real life.
The creator's son tried that!
(My friends said to post this. I accept no responsibility.)
Being unemployed is like watching our president fall over himself on the stairs.
There’s no hope.
Son: Dad, I think I got a girl pregnant.
Dad: Well, is she already part of the family?
Son: Yes, why?
Dad: Then there’s no need to be worried.
Yesterday I bought my daughter a cat, but accidentally hit her with the car today. I have no idea what to do with the cat now.
What makes a 360 no-scope and JFK's assassination similar?
Both were some of the greatest achievements in history to achieve.