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A boy was terrible at writing sentences, so his teacher gave him an assignment to help with that. The boy was to go home, write five sentences, and return to school the next day.

When he went home, he took a notepad and a pen and went to his dad for help. His dad was in a very important business call, so he angrily shouted at the child, "Shut up, you donkey!" The boy noted down that sentence. He next went to his mom, who assumed that he wanted to play video games, so she said, "No, my dear, tomorrow." That was his second sentence. For the third sentence, he went to his older brother, who was watching football where someone scored a goal, so he was jumping up and down yelling, "Goal! Goal!"

For the fourth sentence, he went to his sister, who was singing, "Spider-Man, Spider-Man!" For the last sentence, he went to his grandmother, who was cleaning the toilet and singing, "Under the toilet, under the toilet."

He went to school the next day, and his teacher asked him to tell her the sentences. The boy said, "Shut up, you donkey!" The teacher got angry after hearing this and asked the boy, "Do you want me to slap you?" The boy said, "No, my dear, tomorrow." This made the teacher so angry that she slapped the boy. Immediately, he started jumping up and down yelling, "Goal! Goal!" The teacher dragged him to the principal's office, as she was fed up with him. The principal asked the boy what his name was, to which he replied by singing, "Spider-Man, Spider-Man!" She asked him where he lived, so he sang, "Under the toilet, under the toilet."

As a straight son, one day I asked my mom, "Have you ever quit something that you did before?" My mom said, "No, I never quit anything." So I asked my when you give a blow job you ever spit, then my mom said, "What did I say? Quitters are for spitters."

Was threatened with legal action off my postman this morning!! I was stood havin a smoke when he asked if my dog bites, I said no. Halfway down my path the dog jumped up and bit him on his testicles!! Screaming out in pain he Said I was a lying bitch cos I told him my dog didnt bite!! Told him mine doesnt!! that wasnt my dog!!!

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    • I was at work and a few fat women came up to me and asked for some help.

    Later that week, I ran into them on the dance floor. One of them asked me if I wanted to dance. I told her no. The other asked me if I knew what was cracking. I calmly said, "The floor."

    Judge to the defendant: "Defendant, do you have a criminal record?"

    "No."

    "Have you always been honest?"

    "No, never been caught!"

    What did the boy with no hands get for Christmas? Gloves!

    Nah, just kidding... He still hasn't unwrapped his present.

    Dad: Son, do you want to play Rock 'Em Sock 'Em Robots?

    Son: Sure, let me get it from the closet.

    Dad: No, bring your sisters. Just like the game, they can’t move their legs.

    LEGO Ninjago - I like it, okay?

    Which of the ninja would be best for an undercover mission as the person in disguise?

    Kai. He just has to leave his hair down and no one would know it was him. He uses hair gel, as Cole has said a couple times I think, because his hair looks like fire 🔥!

    Frenid: R u gay?

    Me: Yes u

    Frenid: No I am bi.

    Me: Dang it!

    Frenid: What?

    Me: I like u.

    Frenid: Ok I like u to.

    Do you know why there are no pharmacies and pharmacists in Africa?

    Because you can't take pills on an empty stomach!

    A kid asks his mom what dark humor is.

    She says, “You see that man with no arms, tell him to clap.”

    “But mom, I’m blind!” says the kid.

    “Exactly,” replied the mom.