Worst Jokes Ever
When other people tell a joke, 3/3 people laugh.
When I tell a joke, 1/3 people laugh, but 2/3 people stare into my soul.
When you try to close a Google ad because it was covering content, but it was covered by "Ad closed by Google."
What do you call Stephen Hawking on Mars? Mars Rover.
What did the Arch bridge say to the Truss bridge?
"I Truss-ted you!"
What’s a teacher's favorite tree?
A geometry.
Why can’t you give Elsa a balloon?
Because she’ll let it goo!
What car do elves drive?
Toy-yodas.
A blind man walks into a bar... and a table... and a chair... and the counter.
Any joke can be funny with the right delivery. Except abortion jokes, because there is no delivery.
Why do disabled people get picked on so much?
My Llama's cousin sucks at going on vacation.
He just stands there; "I'll pack uhhhh...."
Spongebob is yellow, and he can't drive.
Must be Asian.
Why can't Helen Keller drive?
Because she's a woman.
Yesterday my daughter was playing in the garden when I saw her kill a butterfly. I told her that, as a punishment, she won't eat butter for 1 month.
Today I saw her killing a cockroach in the kitchen. I told her "nice try".
Have you ever wondered how your teachers would look if they were 20 years younger than they actually are? I bet some of them would be smoking hot. Especially my 25-year-old English teacher. I'd bang her if she were 20 years younger.
Two gay guys are in a burning building, who gets out first? The one on the top or the bottom?
The bottom because his sh*t's already packed.
Why can't pirates play cards? Because they're standing on the deck.
The Trump cocktail. Take a large glass and fill it with an ounce of everything behind the bar. Top it with whipped cream and a cherry. Now for the hard part: finding a Mexican to pay for it.
Where do leg amputees go to buy a car?
IHOP
A boy walks in on his parents having sex. "What are you doing to my mother?!" the boy screams at his father, and runs out of the room.
Soon, the parents hear screams coming from the father's mother's room. They both go running. They see the little boy pumping into his grandmother like anything. "What are you doing to my mother?!" the father screams. "It's not so easy when it's your mother is it?" says the boy.