Worst Jokes Ever

What's 6ft long, red, and my girlfriend cries when I feed it to her?

A miscarriage.

So, I was fucking my daughter the other day and my wife walked in... I don't know what was funnier: the look on her face, or that the abortion clinic let me keep her.

I was at the bar with a friend, and he said to me, "Veronica, I just stopped a rape." The bartender overheard him and had a puzzled look on his face, because he never moved. He then said, "I saw this girl walk into the bathroom, and I decided not to go."

Kill yourself, hoes!

So I was eating this girl out the other day, and I GOT AIDS. How does a 9-year-old give me AIDS? I guess my sister was hanging around the wrong crowd.

How many babies does it take to paint a wall?

Depends on how hard you throw them.

Hear about the restaurant called karma? There is no menu: You get what you deserve.

Why did the blind man fall down the well?

He just couldn't see that well.

A German soldier is walking down the street during a hail storm when a lady suddenly falls over after being hit. He, along with a few others, walk over to her. One man asks, "What happened?" and the soldier replies, "Hail hit her."

"Florida was ranked the worst state in the 50 states by Thriller."

Florida: Well, WE didn't want to give our oranges anyway!

How to treat someone who’s lesbian, gay, queer, transgender or bisexual?

The same way that you would treat anybody else, you homophobic bastard.

I used to have a fear of hurdles.

But I got over it.

I entered ten puns into a contest to see which one would win.

No pun in ten did.

Where do mathematicians go to die?

The symmetry.

One time Chuck Norris peed in the gas tank of a semi truck as a practical joke. That truck is now known as Optimus Prime.

Why do babies cry? Cuz they can't suck very well.

Knock, knock. Who's there? Iceberg lettuce. Iceberg lettuce who? Iceberg! Let us in!

I don't like condoms, but I like gay pregnant X.

How did a man kill his car? He throttled it.

A man puts in ten jokes into a joke contest. He hopes that at least one will win. Sadly, no pun intended.