Why are wives also called a housekeeper?
Because after the divorce, they keep the house.
The past, the present, and the future walk into a bar.
It was tense.
Confucius say, man who stand on toilet is high on pot.
What do you call a communist pirate ship?
The USS Arrrrr.
What does the cannibal do after he dumps his girlfriend?
He wipes his butt.
How does a prostitute make more than a drug dealer?
Because she can clean her crack and sell it again.
What happened to the fly on the toilet seat?
It got pissed off.
Why did the bald man paint rabbits on his head?
Because from a distance, they looked like hare.
Give a man a gun, and he will rob a bank.
Give a man a bank, and he will rob everyone.
Why does a giraffe need such a long neck?
Because its head is so far away from its body.
Why doesn't Jesus buy beer?
Hebrews.
Moms have Mother's Day and dads have Father's Day. What do single guys have?
Palm Sunday.
A time traveler walks into a bar.
He orders a beer and a shot of whiskey.
What do you call a vegetable who has escaped prison?
An escapea.
How did Jesus like his chicken?
Crucifried.
What did the boy with no hands get for his birthday?
I don't know. He hasn't opened it yet.
Jokes about menstruation are not funny. Period.
What is a pirate's favorite element?
Argon.
Why is baby shampoo the best anal lube?
No more tears.
A blonde walks into a bar.
Ouch.
