Worst Jokes Ever
Dead baby jokes never get old...
What did the salad say to pineapple?
"Lettuce be friends."
What do you get if you cross a pig and a witch with sand?
A ham sandwich.
Your mum is so fat Les Dawson would agree with me that when she passes her handbag from hand to hand, she throws it.
Did you hear about the deaf man who got a ticket?
It's OK, he didn't either!
Did you hear about how that deaf man got a ticket?
It's ok, he didn't either!
Pedophiles are just fucking, immature assholes.
What do you call a Jedi that can use the force to fly?
A Jedi Flight.
What was purple and conquered the world?
Alexander The Grape.
What do you eat out of?
- A bowl.
What college do cows go to?
The Mooniversity.
What’s the difference between a doctor and a pedophile?
The doctor doesn’t enjoy giving physicals.
How did the computer get out of the house?
He used windows.
Where do you find a dog with no arms or legs?
Where you left it.
What do you call a patronizing criminal walking down the stairs?
A condescending con descending.
Two muffins are in an oven. One muffin says to the other, "Man, it's hot in here!"
The other muffin says, "OH MY GOSH A TALKING MUFFIN!!!!"
A kid milks a cow and goes to school and tells his friends, "I milked a cow, and it took awhile for it to warm up." His brother came over and said, "We don't have cows, we have bulls."
Q: What do you call it when four Mexicans drown in quicksand?
A: Cuatro Cinco.
Why don't Mexicans cross the border in groups of 3? Cause the sign says "No Trespassing."
Why is 1026 afraid of 1028?
Because 1028 1029.