I have the heart of a lion and a life time ban at the New York zoo.
A man from France, a man from Britain, and a man from New York are on an exposition to the Amazon Forest. After a while they get lost. So as they are walking suddenly the bushes jump up into the air and men with spears are there. One man says "Hey, your in our sacred land. So what we are going to do is skin you and then use your flesh to make canoes. But we aren't that crazy so we will let you choose how you die." The man from France said, "bring me the poison." The man from Britain said, "bring me the gun" And the man from New York said, "bring me a fork" The guy was confused with the fork but still brought it the items and gave it to them. The guy from France said, "for the France!" And drank the poison and died. The man from Britain said, "long live the queen!" And shot himself and died. And the man from New York started stabbing himself with the fork and said "MAKE A CANOE OUT OF THIS YOU FUCKERS"
Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: To get the Chinese Daily! Get it? I don't either- I get the New York Times!
What does the child with no hands got for christmas? Unknown he hasn't opened it yet.
What does a homeless man in new york got for christmas? Hypothermia.
What do you call a three humped camel.
A prostitute from new york
How did people know the 9/11 victims had a lot of dandruff? Their head and shoulders were all over New York City!!
What's Al-Qaeda's favorite sports team?
The New York Jets
Recently I've found out my wife has been cheating on me for the past 3 weeks with a baker down town in Manhattan, New York thinking I wouldn't find out. Irony of it all, she received a yeast infection.
