Father: "Son, you were adopted."
Son: "What?! I knew it! I want to meet my biological parents!"
Father: "We are your biological parents. Now pack up, the new ones will pick you up in 20 minutes."
Gow do you keep tour friends from boring you with pictures of their children?
Every time they show you a new one, you say, "Oh FUCK yeah!"
my girlfriends dog died so i got her a new one in replacement and she went off on me and yelled
"What am i supposed to do with 2 dead dogs in my house?!"
A man was kneeling on the church floor, crying desperately in front of the large wooden statue of Christ. "My headphones are broken, Lord... I'm desperate... What should I do? Guide me!!" And the Lord appeared in the form of bright light, and the strong, deep voice filled the man's soul. WELL BUY NEW ONES, YOU DUMBASS And so he did.
There was once a grandfather. He had very little hair, and he lived in a forest. On his death bed, he was fully bald. So he told his children, "You see my head? I have no hair. All of my hair has been wiped, and I hope this forest doesnt experience the same. Children, every time a tree is cut in this forest, plant a new one in its place." So for years, and to this day, that forest still stands, each tree being replanted. All because of an old man and his Re-seeding Heirline.
So my mom looked in the mirror today and we need a new one
The first time you have a new phone you have a different one you can change your phone to a new phone but it doesnβt change the phone π± itβs just different I think it will work I just think it would look good π and then it would work but you donβt know if itβs the right thing for the new one you just know itβs the wrong π itβs a bad phone π± itβs a new thing itβs the same for different every day but it doesnβt look π and I think π€ so itβs not a good π but it works so itβs different so itβs different for the new phone π± and it doesnβt have to work on it doesnβt matter to the same for you know itβs just the one βοΈ but it doesnβt have the one that I can do a lot better and I can just use my new one βοΈ but it is not that the new iPhone π± so you have the one thatβs the other is that I have the same thing and itβs the same phone π± but I have to get the new iPhone π± I just want it and then you have a good π and itβs a different number so itβs just like π so itβs just one βοΈ but you know itβs not like π I have the new iPhone π² so you know itβs just one βοΈ so itβs a little more than just the one βοΈ and it will get the new phone π so itβs just easier and cheaper for the money π΄ but it wonβt cost π² much more to pay π° off your car π than to get the phone π± for the next two weeks weeks or even two years to to have the car car ππ fixed so itβs easier and quicker and I will be happy π Iβm happy happy π Iβm so excited excited π thank y all and I will talk soon π and have you have an update as to the results soon π thank ya again so far hope all goes all are good π hope to be in your class today love β€οΈ and have you been in your dreams hope all your day too bye βοΈ
Pedophile: You dropped your candy. Girl: Thanks! Pedophile stares as she slowly bends over to pick up her candy. Pedophile: It looks a bit dirty, do you wanna come back to my house and get a new one? Girl: How far is your house? Pedophile: Its that white one right over there. Girl: You mean that van next to a dumpster? Pedophile: Yep its that one. Girl:.... Sure! :P Audience:.........Dumbass girl.
Hi guys, so today I am going to do another blog. It's just for fun, and yeah. Enjoy! So, this morning, when I woke up, I heard that I was getting new grips, I was so excited. (Incase you guys don't know what grips are, they are sort of like gloves that go on your hands and they are for gymnastics bars.) I was excited because my old grips don't fit me anymore and my coach was like "Oh I can get you some new ones since we have a meet in a week." And so I was like "Oh that's fine. My parents ordered me some. Thank you though." And she was like "Okay that's fine. Just make sure you have them by next week" So long story short, I have new grips now.
marriage is like buying a car. you see one that you like and then you buy it. But over the years, it gets older, rusty, and the certain parts stop working. then you walk into a dealership and look at all the new ones and your still stuck with the old ones. you look over and go "but i just wanna sit in it. Just once." "its even got leather interior, its chrome, it doesn't even have oil/gas leaks!" " and it doesn't squeak!"
