You want to hear a cheesy pizza joke? Never mind, it's too cheesy!
Hehehehehe.
I wasn't going to have a brain transplant...
But then I changed my mind.
What was the last thing that went through JFK's mind? A bullet.
I'm psychicking your butt.
What did the cancer cell say to its neighbor?
"Mind if I join you?"
Did you hear about the needle and thread shop?
Never mind, it was needle-ess.
Justin: Hey.
Josh: Hey man.
Justin: Why only "man"?
Josh: It feels weird saying the r a c e y names.
Justin: I don't mind.
Josh: Okay, S L A V E.
Justin: Oh no, not T H A T one!
What was the last thing to run through Osama bin Laden's mind? Probably a bullet.
Three nuns are on their way up to heaven after having been involved in a terrible minibus crash on the Italian Alps that killed them and the driver (he went the other direction!).
As they're approaching the Pearly Gates to be interviewed by St. Peter, they are requested by an attendant to form a single line and wait. Sister Agnes is first, Sister Bernadette behind her and Sister Carmel on the end.
Finally, St. Peter approaches the nuns to determine their worthiness for entry to Heaven.
He says to the first nun: "Sister Agnes, have you ever seen the penis of a man?"
Sister Agnes bursts into tears and says: "Yes, St. Peter, I have, but please don't let this prevent me from entering the Kingdom of Heaven."
St. Peter says: "Never fear, my child. Say a thousand Hail Marys and then go over to that font of Holy Water and wash your eyes out, then you shall enter the Kingdom of Heaven."
Sister Carmel sees what's going on and taps Sister Bernadette on the shoulder, somewhat urgently.
"Pssst - hey Bernie"!, she says.
Sister Bernadette asks: "What is it?" A little annoyed.
Sister Carmel says: "Do you mind if we swap places"?
Sister Bernadette replies: "What for"?
Sister Carmel says: "Well, I wouldn't mind gargling before you stick your ass in there!"
I wanted to get brain surgery.
I changed my mind.
What did one brain cell say to the other brain cell?
"I think I feel a connection!"
You wanna hear a joke about my penis?
Never mind, it’s too long.
A woman gets rid of polish with chemicals and no one bats an eye The Germans got rid of polish with chemicals and everyone lost their mind
Why were Adam and Eve's sons so much alike? Because Cain was Abel minded!
For one of the most highly regarded minds on the planet, it is a shame he could not create a longer-lasting battery.
Wanna hear a joke about corn?
Never mind, it's too corny.
Cashier: "Will you want the milk in a bag today, sir?"
Customer: "I’ll just keep it in the carton if you don’t mind."
Wanna hear a pizza joke? Never mind, it's too cheesy.
Let me tell you a pun. Never mind, it's tearable.
Knock knock. Who's there? Broken pencil. Broken pencil who? Never mind, it was pointless!
