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Confession

Shitpost master-general · 4 months ago

A screenshot of a Twitter thread. The original post states, "if i had a dick i'd stack donuts on it". The reply begins by participating in the crude joke, saying, "Yeah I probably get 2 or 3 donuts ahaha," before abruptly transitioning into a detailed murder confession, providing the location (Sam Houston National Park 30.535993, -95.645309), depth (7.3 feet), and the victim's name and age (Josef Kalic, 34 years old), and the date of the crime (2006).

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Reminder

Siri_the_Robot · 4 months ago

Do it

A meme consisting of text and a screenshot of a phone notification. The top text reads: "Me: Siri remind me to dye my hair tomorrow please. Siri next morning:". Below this is a screenshot of an iPhone notification from the Reminders app, dated 12:00 PM and labeled "now". The reminder text is: "Die today".

Semen

Shitpost master-general · 4 months ago

A screenshot of two 4chan posts. The top post features a greentext story and a picture of the anime character Cirno. The text claims the author used their own semen as a skincare product overnight and it cured their acne. The bottom post features a picture of Konata Izumi and a reply stating the user is going to try it, hoping it isn't a prank.

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Vehicle

Heroin Monkey · 10 months ago

Fridge door

United Kingdom UK · 11 months ago

Double it and give it to the next person

The image shows a smiling, blue cartoon airplane with a human-like face, resembling Jay Jay the Jet Plane, flying away from a massive explosion with smoke and fire billowing behind it. The text above the image reads: "When you close the fridge door and hear some stuff fall and leave it for the next person."

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Vr

Heroin Monkey · 1 year ago

A screenshot of comments on a social media platform. The first comment praises VR for experiences like boxing, zombie apocalypse, lightsaber fights, and 'porn' (represented by a corn emoji). A reply asks 'Which porn?' The original commenter responds, explaining they accidentally clicked 'for women' thinking it was 'four women' and ended up with a 'boner' (represented by an eggplant emoji) in their virtual face, describing it as the 'Gayest experience' of their life.

Gorilla

Heroin Monkey · 1 year ago

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Meme

DAP ME UP · 1 year ago

The image shows an upset Majin Buu from Dragon Ball Z standing beside an hourglass with green liquid. The text above the image reads, "Me waiting for the next generation, to see which kind of cursed memes we get."

Garfield

Heroin Monkey · 1 year ago

An image shows Garfield sitting on top of an anime character. The text reads: "You're next pal."

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Card

Heroin Monkey · 1 year ago

A screenshot of a mobile phone displaying a card game with a hand of cards, followed by a comment and a reply. The comment asks what the abomination next to the ace is, and the reply states "161 of clubs."

Market

Anonymous · 1 year ago

People will bet on everything... ...I mean nothing.

A screenshot of a prediction market titled "Nothing Ever Happens: May." The market rules state that it will resolve to "No" if Russia and Ukraine agree to a ceasefire, the next Pope is Black, the Fed cuts rates, India invades Pakistan, or Israel or the US take military action against Iran. Otherwise, it will resolve to "Yes."

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Teacher

Face mcshooty · 1 year ago

Two cartoon fish sit at a table looking miserable. Text reads: "When the teacher says, 'Discuss your ideas with the person sitting next to you,' but you don't fw the person sitting next to you."

Funeral

Why should you care · 1 year ago

exactly

The left panel shows a text: "At my funeral please take the bouquet off my casket and throw it in the crowd to see who is next". The right panel shows a picture of a young girl with a peace sign with the text 'Are you okay' Me:

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Toe

Why should you care · 1 year ago

really is there

The left panel shows a man with a confused expression and text overlay that reads, "Too much garlic"? What's next? Too much love? Too much desire? The right panel features four stone head figures that are reacting to an event which is described in text above the image as 'Four of my toes watching the little toe take a coffee table leg to the face.'

Diddy

Anonymous · 1 year ago

Diddy Wins. What's the next tournament?

A bracket-style tournament featuring celebrity photos. Diddy's photo is highlighted as the winner.

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Sugar

Heroin Monkey · 1 year ago

The image shows the text 'Live a healthy lifestyle. Choose drinks with minimal amounts of sugar...', followed by a line of several bottles of drinks, from left to right: Coca Cola, Red Bull, Ribena, Fanta, Sprite, Oasis and a bottle of Jack Daniel's. Under each bottle of soda is a small pile of white sugar cubes, and the pile under Jack Daniel's is zero. The bottles of soda have the labels 'Rib', 'SISP' on them. The Jack Daniel's bottle has the label 'JACK DANIEL'S No. 7 Tennessee WHISKEY' on it. There is also the text 'NEXT LEVEL BARTENDING WE SET THE BAR HIGH' in the lower left part of the image.

Jake Paul

Heroin Monkey · 1 year ago

The image shows a person in a pit in the ground with a small bottle in their hand. The text above reads, "Jake Paul digging up Muhammad Ali to fight him next."

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Snitch

Heroin Monkey · 1 year ago

A page from a 'Diary of a Wimpy Kid' style book. The text entry from Monday, December, reads, 'Today was fucking dreadful. Me and the boys were just watching porn on the school computers in computer science. Nothing harmful. You know how it goes, though. There's always some bitch across the room, just waiting, dying to ruin the fun.' Below the text is a cartoon drawing of a computer lab. Three boys are at computers. A girl, Patty, points at one boy (Greg) and shouts, 'GREG IS WATCHING PORNOGRAPHY, MR JIZZLE!' Another boy, Greg's friend, yells, 'WHAT THE FUCK?!' The text continues below the drawing: 'The next time I see Patty, I swear to god, that snitch is fucking dead.'

System

Anonymous · 1 year ago

Right, the bit as the bottom... i mean, look i keep myslef open on systems to rule empires and shit should i ever need to be it.

A drawing of a hydra with multiple heads. The text on the image reads: "Hydra System. The Hydra is simple, every 2 represents a 1. When a head is cut, its twin must lead the next 2 novice heads. This means when every weak point is exercised the weak spot is a new offense. The perfect system."

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Court

Anonymous · 1 year ago

A screenshot of a comment on a dark background. The comment text reads: "be straight lying I tried seducing my teacher and I got court next week". Below the comment, a thumbs-up icon indicates 354 likes.

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