Medical Instrument jokes

What's the difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer?

The taste!

I reached into my pocket and pulled out a rectal thermometer and thought,

"Some asshole has my pen!"

What is the easiest line to draw in the hospital?

My heartbeat.

I go in to get a prostate exam. I'm nervous, but the doctor says it's all natural and needs to be done.

So he pulls down my pants and sticks one finger up my ass. I feel it go deeper inside, feeling for abnormalities.

That's when I realize his hands are on my shoulders.

I asked the doctor doing my prostate exam where I should put my pants. "Next to mine" was not the answer I was expecting.

What's the hardest line to draw in a hospital?

... A FLATLINE!

What do you do when you finish a magazine at a hospital?

Reload and keep shooting.