Legal Proceeding jokes

I hate these double standards.

If you burn a body at a crematorium you're "doing a good job". If you do it at home you're "destroying evidence".

Mickey and Minnie are getting a divorce. The divorce lawyer says to Mickey: "Mickey, you can't divorce Minnie because she is crazy," to which Mickey responds: "I'm not divorcing her because she's crazy, I'm divorcing her because she's f**king Goofy."

Suicide is illegal because it's a crime to destroy government property.

"What do we want?"

"HEARING AIDS!"

"When do we want them?"

"HEARING AIDS!"

The judge asked me, "How does 5 to 10 years sound?"

I said, "Sexy."