Knee Jokes

Lemme tell you a little story.

It’s night. You’re in your room, trying to sleep. But you keep hearing it—scratching. Soft at first. Like fingernails on wood. You tell yourself it’s rats, or the house settling. But it keeps going. Slow... then faster.

So finally, you get outta bed. You get on your hands and knees, put your ear to the floor. And you hear it. A voice. Whispers. Crying.

Your heart’s pounding. You grab a crowbar. You pry up the floorboards. One by one. Your sweat’s dripping into the dust. The noise gets louder.

And finally... you peel back the last plank.

And you see these eyes. Wide and terrified. And a pale little face staring up at you.

BOOOOOOO!!!!

It’s Anne Frank.

Why do crabs never give to charity? Because they’re shellfish.

Hahahahahahahaha what a knee slapper!

What is Jeffrey Dahmer's favorite song?

"Head, Shoulders, Knees and Toes."

Roses are red. Watches are gold. Get on your knees and do what you're told.

Why does your grandma like gardening so much?

Because she loves getting dirty down on her knees.

I am the Lorax. I speak for trees. I have the high ground, and I will cut off your knees.

Did you hear about the story of the husband who told his wife she’d look sexier with her hair back?

Apparently, that’s not a nice thing to say to cancer patients.

A young man cracked a joke about dementia to his friend on the bus. The old man sitting next to him politely asked, “Can you stop making jokes about terminal diseases?”

He replied, “Yes, I cancer.” Then he cracked tumor.

EMINEM: His palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy.

WebMD: Cancer.

What do Christians and gays have in common?

They both say, “Oh God” when they get on their knees.

Roses are red, get on your knees, and bark for me!

Would you watch a tree grow? Or a knee grow?

Pickup line for gay people:

Roses are red, Antarctica is in the south, Get on your knees, And open your mouth.

What do you call a Japanese person when their knees are cured?

"Happynese" (happy knees).

What is Uranus' favorite exercise? ... Hy knees.

We used to be the tallest buildings in New York...

Then we took an Arab to the knee.

Me: *gets down on one knee*

Girlfriend: OMG, it's finally happening!

Me: *falls over*

Girlfriend: The poison is kicking in.

Can you imagine what was the last thing that went through their brains?

The knee caps.

My dog stepped on a bee, My child spilt my tea, I drank my hot tea, I broke my bloody knee, Now I'm lying in agony, And I'm devastated with no glee.

(Again, credits to my really funny friend)

Why doesn't a Muslim girl like her dad and namaz?

Because she has to get on her knees.

Nie cut G.

Yo what quacking lacking? Looking for a ducking good time? I've got some one lines and knee slappers that ought to fix the bill. What happens flied upside down? It quacks up.