Kid jokes
Ms. Katie: I heard about a Vegan baby.
Mom: Here’s your Happy Meal.
Ms. Katie: That’s not vegan, did you trick me?
Kids: Yeah!
Ms. Katie: That’s it, little baby Jimmy, I’m giving you shaking baby syndrome!
Mom: Please don’t hurt my son.
*Ms. Katie shakes Jimmy*
Mom: I’m secretly a cop, and you are arrested.
Santa's sack is big because he only comes once a year, but his sack is SO BIG after containing the lovely eggnog he has that those weigh the sleigh.
He never had kids because he comes in the chimney.
I was such an ugly kid. When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up.
A kid came to the orphanage with a dead fish. She was crying.
Why was the kid crying in the orphanage? Because someone came for the fish.
What does the school shooter do after he shoots a victim? He shoots more kids in them!
Q: What is the difference between Michael Jackson & Neil Armstrong? A: Neil Armstrong was the first man to walk on the moon, and Michael Jackson f@ck$ little kids in the a$$!
What do kids have in comments? They have parents, right?
Kid: "Dark humor is like a mother's love."
Orphan: "How?"
Kid: "You wouldn't know."
Orphan: "........."
Hey kids, are you ready for Faptisim?
How do you get a black kid to stop jumping on your bed? Put velcro on the ceiling.
Are you a school? 'Cause I wanna shoot kids in you.
Why are adopted kids better than bio kids? Because their parents actually wanted them.
One day, a man visited an orphanage.
Then he sees a kid crying. The man asked, "Where are your parents?"
The kid cries even harder.
What was the African kid with water called...? The lucky one. 😭😭
A priest and a rabbi were hanging out at a playground. The priest waves to a kid to come over and tells the rabbi, "Let's screw this kid."
The rabbi looks confused and asks, "Out of what?"
Jack and Jill wanted some pills.
So they went to the dealer; he saw they were kids and said, "Fuck this shit," then Jack rocked his ass and took all the good shit except birth control pills.
I pushed a disabled kid over, and he came crawling back to me.
An autistic kid.
When you see a kid yelling and you wanna leave :(((((((
What does Joe Biden call a room full of kids? A toy room.