Howe jokes
How does a fish always know how much they weigh? -- Because they have their own scales.
How do you count cows? -- With a cowculator.
How much does it cost a pirate to pierce his ears?
A buccaneer.
How do trees get online? -- They just log in.
How do Mexicans feel about Trump's wall? -- They'll get over it.
How many Mexicans does it take to change a light bulb? -- Just Juan.
How did the hipster burn his tongue?
He drank his coffee before it was cool.
How does NASA organize a party? -- They planet.
How many animals can jump higher than a skyscraper? -- All of them, skyscrapers can't jump.
No matter how kind you are, German children are kinder.
I was going to buy a pocket calculator. But then I thought, who cares how many pockets I have?
My boyfriend came over today and stole my milk. How dairy!
"How is your long distance relationship going?" -- "So far, so good."
How does Moses prepare his tea? -- Hebrews it.
How many ears does Captain Picard have?
Three: A left ear, a right ear, and a final front-ear.
How can you tell if your wife is dead? -- The sex is the same, but the dishes start piling up.
My girlfriend and I often laugh about how competitive we are... But I laugh more.
How's Donald Trump going to get rid of all the Mexicans? -- Juan by Juan.
A cop stopped a guy for speeding.
He said, "Do you know how fast you were going?"
"I was trying to keep up with traffic," the guy replied.
The cop said, "But there is no traffic."
And the guy answered, "That's how far behind I am."
I wanted to learn how to drive a stick shift, but I couldn't find a manual.