Howe jokes

You travel to the past into the era where Julius Caesar is still alive. He thinks you may be from the future to bring him good news. He asks you, "How do I die?"

You reply with: "Surrounded by friends."

  • 5

    • Sally fell off the swing. How did she fall off?

    She had no arms.

    Knock knock.

    Who's there?

    Not Sally.

    I like my women how I like my cigars: 7 years old and coming from Cuban in a burlap sack.

  • 4

    • Some moving men had just begun their day's work.

    The first thing they brought into the house was a huge couch.

    The owner came in and asked how everything was going. They replied, "Sofa so good."

    The first priest asks the second, "How long do we keep the babies in the holy water?" The priest replies, "No clue... I close my eyes when I masturbate!"

  • 0

    • A boy breaks a vase, and his mom says it's ok, honey, mistakes happen. How do you think you were born?

  • 2

    • How many people does it take to change a lightbulb underwater? The results are shocking!

    I once was sitting outside and watched the birds go by. I checked my watch and said, "My, how time is FLYING by!"

    I was at a funeral for some kids in a school shooting. I don't understand why everyone was so sad, so I asked a lady, "what's so sad?" and she said "What do you think was running through these kid's heads before they died?" I replied "probably a bullet". She gasped and said "do you have any idea how insensitive that is? What do you think is running through their parent's heads?" I said "probably all the money they're losing from this funeral."