Howe jokes
How did the Scottish man find the sheep in the tall grass?
Satisfying.
How many Germans does it take to change a light bulb? Nine.
How do you make a dead baby float?
Two scoops of ice cream, one scoop of dead baby!
How did the USA beat Japan in rapping?
By dropping two of the biggest roasts.
You know the difference between happy tailgaters and angry tailgaters?
Happy tailgaters know how to throw a party.
How do you suck a dick?
Stick it down your throat like Nicholas does with Dennis.
How do you sink an American battleship?
Have the French build it.
How many apps did he download?
Well, he did run out of storage.
How did Stephen Hawking die?
He had a power cut.
How did Steven Hawkings die?
His wife tripped over his charging plug when he was at 2% battery.
How are mountains able to see?
They peak!
Pedophile: You dropped your candy.
Girl: Thanks!
Pedophile stares as she slowly bends over to pick up her candy.
Pedophile: It looks a bit dirty, do you wanna come back to my house and get a new one?
Girl: How far is your house?
Pedophile: It's that white one right over there.
Girl: You mean that van next to a dumpster?
Pedophile: Yep, it's that one.
Girl:.... Sure! :P
Audience:.........Dumbass girl.
How many babies does it take to change a lightbulb?
More than 9 because my basement's still dark.
How did the air beat me at chess? It did that thing, haha!
How did Stephen Hawking die? He lost Wi-Fi connection.
How did Helen Keller burn the side of her head? She answered the iron.
How'd she burn the other side? They called back.
So you know how sheets are always so tight at hotels?
Well I looked under the bed and there is a freaking room cleaner holding the sheets. All he says is "Don't ask or you shall die!"
How did Stephen Hawking get up the stairway to heaven?
He didn’t, there was no lift...!
I like wine how I like my woman.
4 year old locked in a basement.
Wife: "How would you describe me?"
Husband: "ABCDEFGHIJK."
Wife: "What does that mean?"
Husband: "Adorable (A), beautiful (B), cute (C), delightful (D), elegant (E), fashionable (F), gorgeous (G), and hot (H)."
Wife: "Aw, thank you, but what about IJK?"
Husband: "I'm just kidding!"