I'm happy that I named my dog "I Know What You Did." It's funny to see how much people get scared when I call him.
How do you make a baby cry?
You run over it with a lawn mower.
How do you make a baby cry?
You punch it in the face.
How does Stephen Hawking charge his computer?
How does Stephen Hawking have sex? Keyboard sex!
How many astronauts can you fit into a VW Bug? 11, 4 in the seats, seven in the ashtray.
How do you kill a Catholic?
Crucify them...
How to know if your wife is dead? Well, the sex is still trash, but the dishes really start to pile up.
How long does it take for 10 dead babies to paint a wall? Depends how hard you throw them.
How do you punish Stevie Wonder for bad behavior?
You move all of the furniture around.
How do you circumcise a redneck?
You kick his sister in the jaw.
How many oz of water does it take to screw a light bulb?
None, also what the heck are you doing with water when people in Africa don’t have any?
How did they know that Princess Diana had dandruff?
They found her head and shoulders in the glove compartment...
How many dead strippers does it take to change a light.
At least 13 because my basement is still dsrk
How do you saw an apple with no mouth?
A P P L E
How many blondes does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
5
4 to turn the table, and 1 to hold the bulb.
How does a blonde turn off the light after having sex?
She opens the car door.
Chuck: Do you have holes in your underpants?
Teacher: No, of course not.
Chuck: Then how do you get your feet through?
I was eating this girl out the other night, and I tasted horse semen, so I said to her, "Oh, that's how you died, grandma!"
I walked into the school for disabled kids and asked them if they knew how to play "Heads, Shoulders, Knees, and Toes." Turns out they only knew how to play "Heads, Shoulders, Wheels, and Frame."
How do Chinese people name their kids?
They roll a coin down the staircase and it says, "Ching chang chong..."
