Howe jokes
How do you kill a little boy?
You throw him between two Catholic priests.
It's weird how Stephen Hawking's last name sounds like "walking and talking," but he could not do either of those!
How does Stephen Hawking take a shit? He logs out.
You know what really grinds my gears? Robots and liars...for example that Stephen Hawking fella. He sure looks and sounds like a robot!! And a major liar too! If he wanted to show me how smart he really was he would have figured out how to get up out of that four wheeler and tell me how smart he is!!!!!
Did you hear how Stephen Hawking died?
There was a mix up, and he was dropped at PC World instead of A&E!
What did the little boy say to the fat man?
How many Japs did you get?
How do you get a baby out of a blender?
With Doritos!
How did Stephen Hawking die?
He had a computer virus!
Time for a story: There are 500 bricks on a plane, one falls off. How many are left? 499.
What are the 3 steps to putting an elephant in a refrigerator? Open fridge, put in elephant, close fridge.
What are the 4 steps to putting a giraffe in a fridge? Open fridge, take out elephant, put in giraffe, close fridge.
The lion king is having a birthday party. All the animals attend except one, who is it? Giraffe, he's stuck in the fridge.
Sally wants to cross an alligator infested river. There is no bridge and the only way she can get across is by swimming. She swims across safely, how? The alligators where at the birthday party.
Sally dies anyway. How? She got hit in the head by a flying brick.
How do you turn a baby into a dog?
Douse it in gasoline, light a match, *WOOF*!
How do you give a redneck a circumcision?
You kick his sister in the jaw.
How did Princess Diana cross the road?
Through the windshield!
This gay guy was so happy with his new boyfriend that he took him to his favorite gay bar.
An hour or so goes by, then the new flame says, "I just LOVE this place, everyone is so nice, food is great, but what's up with the monkey way down there?"
His friend says "OK, watch this." He goes up behind the chimp and smacked him in back of its head. The monkey jumped off the stool, pulls down his zipper, and gives him head. When finished, the chimp took a napkin, cleaned himself, pulled up his zipper, then jumped back to his chair.
He walked back to his new gay friend and said, "What do you think of that?"
"MAN, I seen some amazing things, but never like that!" His squeeze said, "Wanna give it a try?"
"I sure do, JUST DON'T hit me as hard as you hit that monkey."
How did the dead baby cross the road?
It was strapped to the chicken.
*on a date*
me - "I get to work with animals all day."
her - "How sweet! What do you do?"
me - "I'm a butcher."
How many babies does it take to light up a basement?
I don't know, my basement is still dark.
A calendar asked the doctor how many time he's got left. The doctor replied: "'Til December."
How is being gay like a geology class?
You get to lick all the rocks you want.
How is being gay like a geology class? You can lick all the rocks you want.
How to make a baby make funny faces?
Put it feet first in a blender.