Howe jokes

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Me: How does this thing work?

ForTnite kid: Oh, you don’t know how to use a pistol? Look, I’ll show you.

ForTnitekid: *shoots foot*

Me: That wasn’t a very good demonstration.

My son's into astromancy asked me how do stars die, so I told him, "Usually on overdose, son."

When an orphan is playing baseball, how come the coach doesn't tell them to hit it home?

He has no home to hit to.

How does Stephen Hawking have sex? Enter, backspace, enter, backspace, enter, backspace.

How to Make an Orphan cry

Step 1: Talk about Home.

Step 2: Ask them where their parents are.

Step 3: Say, "Bye Bye," and push them in the Batmobile!

How to be a hero.

1. Tie a noose in your front yard.

2. Find and capture a furry.

3. Hang that furry because they deserve it.

It’s easy as 1-2-3!

How do Chinese people name their kids?

They throw them down the stairs and see what noise they make! WA WA WAAAAAAAAAAAA!

A policeman found a dead body of a man on the street. He thought he recognized the body and the 2 friends he usually hung out with, so he called in one of the friends.

The friend looked into the dead body's face and said, "Yep, that's definitely Joe," but then, to be absolutely sure, he turned the body over, pulled down the back of his pants, and said, "Oh no, wait, that's not Joe." The policeman called in the 2nd friend. The 2nd friend looked into the dead body's face and said, "Yep, that's definitely Joe," but then, to be absolutely sure, he turned the body over, pulled down the back of his pants, and said, "Oh no, wait, that's not Joe." Confused, the policeman asked, "How is it that when you look into his face you're sure he is your friend, but when you look at his ass you're sure he is not?"

The 1st friend said, "Well, you see, Joe has 2 assholes." "Are you serious?" the policeman asked. "Oh yes," he replied, "we've never actually seen them, but when the 3 of us hang out together people point and say, 'Hey, there's Joe with those 2 assholes.'"

If I have ligma and you have ligma, how about you ligma balls? 😏 (It’s all about how you pronounce the end.)

You know how sometimes you want to listen to music?

But everything you listen to is just supremely unsatisfying, even if it's songs you usually love; they are just so unappealing, and you have no idea what you actually want to listen to.

Q: How many cops does it take to put in a light bulb? A: None, they just beat the room for being black. 😂😂😂

How do you get an orphan sad?

You say you will tell their mom that they have been a baaaaaad boy.

My friend asked me why I know how to tie a noose.

I told them, "because I’m such a noose-ance."