How do fuck a really fat chick?
Roll her in flour and look for the wet spot.
I rang my boss and said, "I’m really sick. I won’t be coming into work." My boss said, "Davo, you're sick again! Really! Just how sick are you now?" I replied, "Well, I’m in bed with my sister!"
If you get out of the shower clean, how does your towel get dirty?
How many children does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Not 27, because my basement is still dark.
how do you cut of a hillbilly's dick?
kick his sister in the jaw
A man and a child walk into a forest. The kid says "um sir its getting dark and i'm getting kinda scared". The man says "yeah well think how I feel I have to walk back out alone.
A student asked a teacher, "How do you pronounce this word? It's spelled A-L-L-I-E-D."
The teacher was about to answer, but then the student said, "Actually, I know how to pronounce it. I lied!" (allied)
How did Stephen hawking die?of a bad internet connection
Q. How do you get 50 babies in a bucket??? A. With a blender!!!......... Q.How do you take them out??? A. With Doritos!!!
How are wet clothes and a depressed person alike? One gets hung up to dry, the other gets hung up to die.
I have depression, but I don't know how to show it in feelings.
How do cows like to play games? Moobile (Mobile).
Do you know how many women have been pope?
Nun.
Nothing is funny about the Name who died an agonizing death, was mocked, spit on, and humiliated all because we were sinners and God saved us so we could be free from the punishment of sin.
Jesus is sinless and perfect and loving. How dare you!
Sketchy dude: If you push this button you get 100 million dollars but 100 million people would die.
Me: If I push it more than once do I get more money?
Sketchy dude: Yes, but more people die.
Me: *rapidly pushes button* This is how you solve world hunger.
Sketchy dude: ... wtf, you're insane.
Me: ...
How many crack heads does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None there is no electricity
What's the difference between a terrorist base and an elementary school? — Don't ask me. How should I know, I'm just the drone pilot.
How do homeless people punish their children?
What are their children going to do? Go to their room?
How did the burglar get into my house?
Intruder window.
How sad and pathetic is it that all you wait for after you finish a suicidal joke is for people to like your joke, but you know you'll just be a failure at that as well?
