How do cookies đȘ give three cheers?
Chip, chip, hooray!
How to surprise a blind man: put a plunger in the toilet!
People say that they can read people's faces; then how come nobody sees me breaking inside?
Lmao, idiots don't know how to play Jenga.
Many were curious about how methane ended up on Mars.
I'm pretty sure it was because of Uranus.
How many thots have I bullied?
Three. The rest are dead.
I was watching a documentary about how storks carry babies from their previous life to the next.
In his old life, Michael Jackson mustâve been a teddy bear. The storks let him play with kids for a change.
I talk about the girls in my math class simping over anime characters and making random ships as well as for Miraculous Ladybug children's show, whatever the show is called, but it's a kids show. đ Now theyâre searching up pictures of Tom Holland laughing in their absolute weirdness.
I like Tom Holland, but these kids man, they like him like theyâre in a relationship. They might as well start kissing and licking the screen. Theyâre probably writing fanfictions in their free time when they arenât searching up kids show characters, anime characters, and Tom Holland pics on their SCHOOL CHROMEBOOK. Their only device choice was a school-provided laptop which is monitored by the school while they are writing fan fictions on Google Docs and searching up some weird Tom Holland stuff. Imagine how Tom Holland would feel if he found out that there are 11 year old girls searching up some weird stuff about him.
How do you stop a school soother from killing you? Tell him you donât believe in dog
How do lions đŠ like their steak?
"Roar!"
When Bob got on that sled, I don't know how he went so smoothly, but that is the invention of bobsled peoples.
And then Mark came in.
How is the weather down there?
How long does it take for a depressed person to change a light bulb?
5 days. & Iâm pretty proud of myself.
How do you get an orphan to go to sleep?
Tell them their parents are waiting when they wake up.
How to commit arson:
1. Burn down an orphanage.
How do you win an argument against an emo?
Kick the chair!
*Shotguns in a nutshell*
2B: MUST.
4B: ADD.
6B: MORE.
12B: *B A R R E L S*
*And that's how multi-barrel shotguns were made.*
DB: I'm the only shotgun with more than 1 barrel!
Lancaster: Are you sure about that?
DB: huh?
Lancaster: I have 4 barrels!
DB: WHAT!?
Penta Barrel: I got 5!
DB: *insert becoming uncanny*
Dual Hexagon shotgun: I got 12!
The others: HOW!?
*and that's how an argument started.*
Yo, hairline is a distraction to my barber because he wanna fix it so bad (because of how bad it looks).
How many emo kids does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None, they all sit in the dark and cry.
To teach kids about democracy, I let them vote on dinner. They picked tacos. Then I made pizza because they donât live in a swing state.
Youâre not completely useless. You can always be used as a bad example.
