Answering a knock at my door, I see a vacuum cleaner salesman who proceeds to tip a huge bucket of shit all over my carpet, before proclaiming any trace this hoover doesn't remove I will personally eat myself.
"Well, I hope you're hungry," I replied, "'cause they cut off my electric this morning!"
You're so poor you put paper cutlery in the dishwasher.
Where do orphans shop for home appliances?
Me- *crying in the shower*
Also me- *why is my toaster in here?*
Why are washers better than babies?
Washers don't cry when you put a load in them.
I bought a ceiling fan the other day.
It was a complete waste of money.
He just stands there applauding and saying, "Ooh, I love how smooth it is."
Me: I know how to use a microwave!
Also me: Mom! The microwave is on fire!
True story.
I thought the dryer made my clothes shrink.
Turns out it was the fridge.
We have some leak in the fridge. I'm surprised nobody has called a plumber.
What is the difference between a vacuum cleaner and a Harley Davidson?
The location of the Dirtbag.
Do you want to buy my Hoover?
I mean... it's just collecting dust.
What is the difference between a refrigerator and a baby?
The refrigerator doesn't cry when I put my meat in it.
I don't know why everyone cares so much about 3D printers. I've had a Canon printer for years.
Yo mama's like a fridge, she breaks down when she loses her cool.
