Home Appliance jokes

Answering a knock at my door, I see a vacuum cleaner salesman who proceeds to tip a huge bucket of shit all over my carpet, before proclaiming any trace this hoover doesn't remove I will personally eat myself.

"Well, I hope you're hungry," I replied, "'cause they cut off my electric this morning!"

You're so poor you put paper cutlery in the dishwasher.

Where do orphans shop for home appliances?

Me- *crying in the shower*

Also me- *why is my toaster in here?*

Why are washers better than babies?

Washers don't cry when you put a load in them.

I bought a ceiling fan the other day.

It was a complete waste of money.

He just stands there applauding and saying, "Ooh, I love how smooth it is."

Me: I know how to use a microwave!

Also me: Mom! The microwave is on fire!

True story.

I thought the dryer made my clothes shrink.

Turns out it was the fridge.

We have some leak in the fridge. I'm surprised nobody has called a plumber.

What is the difference between a vacuum cleaner and a Harley Davidson?

The location of the Dirtbag.

Do you want to buy my Hoover?

I mean... it's just collecting dust.

What is the difference between a refrigerator and a baby?

The refrigerator doesn't cry when I put my meat in it.

I don't know why everyone cares so much about 3D printers. I've had a Canon printer for years.

Yo mama's like a fridge, she breaks down when she loses her cool.