HI Jokes

A limbless man sat on the side of a lake every day. He had no hands or legs.

One day he was crying when a woman was walking by and saw that he was upset, so she asked if he was okay. He replied, "No."

The woman said, "Well, what's wrong?"

The limbless man said, "I've never been hugged by anyone ever."

So the woman, out of kindness, hugged the man. "Are you okay now?" she asked.

"No," the man replied. So again the woman asked him what was wrong. He answered, "I've never been kissed before."

The woman eagerly gave him a peck on the lips and asked, "Are you okay now?"

The man shook his head sadly. The woman asked him what was wrong for the third time. The man said, "I've never been fucked."

The woman looked at him, picks him up, throws him in the lake, and says, "Now you are!"

Q: What happens when an Asian with an erection walks into a wall?

A: He breaks his nose.

I've been drinking from a tall cup.

His teeth look like Twin Towers, Al-Qaeda blown him up.

I look at an orphanage, then hug my mum. He just looks sad and crude because he couldn’t find his mum.

A man went hunting with his son and shot an animal.

The father asks the son to identify the animal he just shot, and the son answers: "Holy Cow!"

Father: "What do you mean, 'Holy Cow?'"

Son: "You shot a hole in the cow, of course!"

I was beefing with a dude in a wheelchair, so I took his wheelchair and threw it across the street and told him, "Walk it off, you will be fine."

Why did the orphan cheat on his girlfriend with a guy?

Because he wanted someone to call "Mommy" and "Daddy."

Why did Jeffrey eat all the ice cream in one sitting?

To make room in the freezer for his special meat.

A man came up to me and threatened me with his milk, cheese, and butter... how dairy!

Why was the baby Dinosaur an orphan?

His family was blown up by meteors.

Why do orphans hate family-size candy?

Because they can't share it with their family.

What's Stephen Hawking's favorite meal? His left shoulder.

Hello. What can I get you? A knife, mustard, Marella, gorilla?

Why did the kid cross the road?

Because he wasn't wearing his seat belt! 😂

A father bought his depressed son a new house, and then pointing at it, he said, "Hang in there, son!"

When you're watching "Gnomeo and Juliet 2" and your dad walks in on the gnome shaking his butt.

Why did the golfer change his pants?

Because he got a hole in one!

Hi! Sorry I haven't posted in a while. I've been so busy!!!! I miss y'all, though!

I was on an orphan's website, but I pressed on his profile and realized he had no home page.

Little Johnny was watching TV when he heard the TV say "bitch" and "bastard." He went over to his dad and said, "What is a bitch and bastard?" His dad looked at him surprised and said, "A bitch is a female, a bastard is a mailman." Johnny went back to the TV and heard them say "ass" and "shit," so he goes back to his dad and asks, "What shit and ass mean?" His dad says, "A shit is shaving cream like what I'm putting on my face, and ass is a coat, why don't you bug your mom?" Johnny goes back to the TV and hears them say "fuck," so Johnny goes over to his mom and says to her, "What does fuck mean, mom?" She looks over at him and says, "Fuck means carving, like what I'm doing to this turkey!" A few minutes later, Johnny hears a knock on the door. He walks over and answers it. He then says, "Welcome bitch and bastard, may I take your ass?" The people, looking horrified, then ask where his parents are. Johnny responds with, "My dad is putting shit on his face and my mom is fucking the turkey!"