HI jokes
I can't tell what's farther, the Great Wall of China, or how far Paul Walker flew out of his windshield.
My friend said he wanted to die, and I told him not to jump. But when he screamed, "Hi, I'm Johnny Knoxville, and welcome to Jackass!" I knew it was over.
Why can't you say hi to a drug addict?
They'll say "yea."
"This morning, I came out my front door to see my neighbor frantically trying to scrub off the word "PEDO" that had been spray-painted on his front window."
"What's been going on, John?" I asked.
"Fucking kids," came his mumbled reply.
The dirty bastard!
Why did Timmy drop his ice cream cone?
He got hit by a train.
Why did the Polish urologist cut his cock off with a knife?
To take care of his erectile dysfunction.
"OK, son," he says. "It's as easy as counting to 5."
1. Pull down your pants. 2. Pull back your foreskin. 3. Pee in the toilet. 4. Put your foreskin back. 5. Pull up your pants.
From then on, every time the boy goes to the toilet, he counts from 1 to 5. One day, the father noticed his son was taking quite some time in the toilet. He went to check on him and overheard his son saying, "2,4,2,4,2,4,2,4."
Why did the teacher yell at the orphan?
Because he didn’t do his homework.
Your friend lost his left arm, and after getting out of the hospital, you ask him if he’s OK. He says, "Yeah, I’m all RIGHT."
What did the teacher say when he raped his naughty student?
"Face the wall!"
What did the cow say to its udders? "Hi."
A man is digging in his garden and finds a gold chest. He goes to tell his wife.
Then he remembers why he was digging in the garden...
How do you think Julius Caesar killed his enemies?..
With a pair of Caesars! 😂😂👌
Nemo turned emo and changed his movie name to "Finding Emo."
When David lost his ID, I called him Dave. Where did Dave go during the bombing? Everywhere. Guess who came crawling back?
The teacher asks, "Who is a Trump fan?" Everyone in the class, wanting to be liked by their teacher, all put their hands up, except for Little Johnny. The teacher asks, "Little Johnny, why are you being different again?" Little Johnny says, "Because I'm not a Trump fan." The teacher asks, "Why are you not a Trump fan?" and Little Johnny says, "Because my dad's a democrat and my mum's a democrat so I'm a democrat." And then his teacher says, "So if your dad was an idiot and your mum was a moron, what would that make you?" And Little Johnny replies, "A Trump fan."
What did the magician do as a trick in his show?
Make your doubts about magic... DISAPPEAR!
I punched an orphan and told him to go back to his parents and tell them about it... Oh, wait.
Why did the son go to the store?
To find his dad.
Why did the orphan cross the road?
Because his parents couldn’t help him out!