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A guy gets home from work to see his girlfriend packing, and he asks her why she is packing. The girl says, "Because I found out you're a pedophile." The guy goes, "A pedophile?" And she says, "Yes." The guy goes, "That's a big word for a 12-year-old."

My grandpa said this generation relies too much on tech, so I unplugged his life support.

Why did the polack lock himself out of his car?

Because his keys were inside of the ignition.

What did the terrorist do when New York didn’t want his food:

Here comes the airplane.

My disabled friend rolled into a burning orphanage and saved lots of kids. When he came out, the kids tried to play with him because his wheels were on fire. They called him Hot Wheels.

There was a kid and a historian in a museum about WW2 and were looking at Hitler in a car doing the Nazi salute. The kid said, “Why is he putting his arm in the air?” The historian said, “Indicators on cars didn’t exist back then so he’s probably saying take the Third Reich!”

My grandfather said that ppl rely on technology too much these days, so I thought about what he said and decided to unplug his life support.

I was crying at school because my grandpa died. My friends asked what his last words were. I told them his last words were, "Are you still holding the ladder?"

A boy went to a genie and said, "I want to be like Batman."

He went home, his parents weren't there.

What do you say when a handicapped man forgets something? "He knew it like the back of his hand."

What did the gay necrophiliac say when his relationship ended?

"That rotten asshole split on me again!"

What's the difference between Michael Jackson and a guitar teacher? One likes to stroke his finger across A minor, and the other one plays guitar.