Thing to say during sex, "grab his dick and twist it!"
HI Jokes
My boyfriend recently asked me to suck his cock. I was kinda nervous because I’ve never tasted a dick, but he said it doesn’t taste that bad, so I’ll give it a shot.
I want to die like my grandpa, with a blindfold and a wet sponge on his head.
What does Stephen Hawking eat for his breakfast, lunch, and dinner?
His shoulder.
What does a Tusken Raider eat after his meal?
Some desert!
What did Luke Skywalker say when he saw someone bullying his sister?
You better not lay a finger on her!
Son: Hi Dad, I'm Son.
Dad: Hi Son, I'm Leaving You.
Years later:
Dad still did not come back.
What did Bob the police officer say to his chest?
"You're under a vest."
My son is so ungrateful. I bought him a trampoline and he just sat in his wheelchair and cried.
The reason Stephen sounds like a computer is because he ate his USB.
A thief walks up to a man in a suit and pulls out a gun. The thief says: "Give me your money." The man in the suit turns around surprised. He raises his hands and says: "But, wait! You can't do that, I am a Congressman!" The thief replies: "Oh, sorry. Give me MY money."
What did the downs kid get on his math test??
Drool.
I broke the sink yesterday; the handle just blew right off! My dad was so mad, he blew his stack!
A boy walks into some woods with a phone, and his friend comes by and asks, "What are you doing?"
He pauses, then says, "Trying some bird calls!"
Three guys walk into a room where a man is sitting with an assortment of foods on his plate because it's lunchtime. The guys ask the man to do a favor, and he says, "Sorry guys, I have a lot on my plate!"
So Timmy was walking down the street with his friend Lea. Suddenly a car drives by and Timmy waves at the car.
Lea looks at him, puzzled, then later asks him; "Why'd you wave at that car back there?"
Timmy replies "Oh that was my brother, he went to the bar. He must just be driving home..."
What does a skeleton tile his roof with? Shingles!
Hey dad, I'm hungry!
Hi hungry, I'm dad. Why did you name me this way, why why why?
Guess why Stephen died?? Because his wife forgot to put him on charge at night.
A man had moved to a new country with his dog and with basic understanding of the language. One day he heard people talking about a place for dogs, so he took his dog there, telling them he wanted his dog to be groomed.
The man behind the counter responded with "yes happy dog, come back in little hours." So the man left and came back a couple hours later. When he asked about his dog, he was given a box of jerky. He found out "Happy Dog" was the name of the place where dogs become food.
