HI jokes
What’d the fox say when he was asked to describe his wife?
“Hottie hottie hottie hoe!”
Michael Jackson was working on a cover of a popular Elton John song when he died...
His version was to be called "Don't Let Your Son Go Down on Me"...
What's the last thing that went through Curt Cobain's mind?
His teeth.
A kid asks his mom, "Mom, how much do you love me?" The mother responds with, "I love you as much as I love your brother." The kid looks confused and says, "But I don't have a brother." The mother smiles and says, "Well, I guess my love is not existing."
Why didn't the skeleton play football?
His heart wasn't in it!
Back in ancient Greece, there was a Greek Skyrim, but instead of FUS ROH DAH, the main character said, "Me damnit, Ganymede, get the #10 lightning bolt, I hate it when Helios lets his kids drive!"
If you don't get this, look up the story of Phaethon, and if you STILL don't get it, then you are dumb.
A man is with his friend in a bar.
The friend, out of the blue, asks, "Hey, what's your body count?"
Nervous, the man looks away.
The friend then says, "I'm talking about sex."
The man then turns back and mumbles, "Oh... I thought you saw inside the basement..."
"Wait, wha..."
"What?"
Thing to say during sex, "grab his dick and twist it!"
My boyfriend recently asked me to suck his cock. I was kinda nervous because I’ve never tasted a dick, but he said it doesn’t taste that bad, so I’ll give it a shot.
I want to die like my grandpa, with a blindfold and a wet sponge on his head.
What does Stephen Hawking eat for his breakfast, lunch, and dinner?
His shoulder.
What does a Tusken Raider eat after his meal?
Some desert!
What did Luke Skywalker say when he saw someone bullying his sister?
You better not lay a finger on her!
Son: Hi Dad, I'm Son.
Dad: Hi Son, I'm Leaving You.
Years later:
Dad still did not come back.
What did Bob the police officer say to his chest?
"You're under a vest."
My son is so ungrateful. I bought him a trampoline and he just sat in his wheelchair and cried.
The reason Stephen sounds like a computer is because he ate his USB.
A thief walks up to a man in a suit and pulls out a gun. The thief says: "Give me your money." The man in the suit turns around surprised. He raises his hands and says: "But, wait! You can't do that, I am a Congressman!" The thief replies: "Oh, sorry. Give me MY money."
What did the downs kid get on his math test??
Drool.
I broke the sink yesterday; the handle just blew right off! My dad was so mad, he blew his stack!