What do you call Stephen Hawking on his period?
Mario Kart.
HI Jokes
A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel on his pants, a peg leg, and a parrot on his shoulder. The bartender says, "Hey, you’ve got a steering wheel on your pants."
The pirate says, "Arrrr, I know. It’s driving me nuts."
A guy crashed his Ford SUV. He couldn't escape.
I got mad at my sister's boyfriend, so I fucked his girl.
My grandpa died in 9/11. I was told his last words were "Allahu Akbar."
My grandpa said I'm too reliant on technology... so I screamed that he was a hypocrite and I unplugged his life support.
How did Stephen Hawking die?
Someone pulled his ethernet cable (he died of a blue screen)!
What did Santa use as a candy cane?
Wait, wait, I said it wrong.
Okay.
What did Santa use to do his garden...never mind.
Hi Sean!
FUFUFUFUFUFUFUFUFUFDLLLUFF
Hi Bradyeeeeeeee!
Hi Trent!
So I was at the store and I saw a pretty woman, and I said, "Hi."
Quickly, she said, "I am not interested. I have a husband."
And when I saw the woman again, she said, "I need help."
I said, "No, call your husband!" KARMA. 😂😜
How do you circumcise someone from Alabama?
Kick his sister's jaw.
So a man asked another man, "What's your name?"
He says, "What's it to ya?"
So the guy asked again, "And he says what's it to ya?"
Come to find out his name was What's It To Ya.
"I see, I see." "Oh, do you see?" "I see 1st place looking at me." "Hi, don’t be shy, just say hi." She was shy, she didn’t say hi. Softball cheers.
I dropped my phone the other day when a guy picked up my phone and started to put it in his pocket.
I said, "Hey, that's my phone," and he said, "First of all, my name isn't 'Hey', it's Jay. Second of all, it's an iPhone, not a 'myPhone'. Get it right."
What did the pond brother say to his lake sister?
"Oasis!" (Oh, hey sis!)
Me: Why did the bus drop his ice cream?
Sanity to live: I don't know?
Me: He was run over by Timmy!!!
Sanity to live? *dies*
Me: *At edge of bridge* Wow, sweet view.
Sanity to live: *resurrected*
Narrator: Sometimes a bridge is all you need...
(sponsored by jumping bridges)
There once was a man from Peru who dreamed he was eating his shoe.
He woke up at night, with a terrible fright, to find out his dream had come true.
Why did the man say "hi ti bye?"
