HI jokes

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One day me and my friend Howard the duck went into the bar. I ordered a drink. Howard told the waiter to put it on his... BILL.

What did the skeleton say when his girlfriend said, "I'm gonna break your heart?"

He says, "Go ahead, you're not breaking my 206 healthy bones!"

A man walks into a bar with a slab of concrete under his arm and says, "A beer please! and one for the road!"

Little Johnny is walking around and peaks in his parents' room, catching them having sex, so he asks, “What are you guys doing?” and they reply “Nothing, nothing! We’re just uh, making cake,” and they send him away.

So he continues walking around and he hears some strange noises coming from his brother’s room, so he walks in and catches his brother and his brother’s girlfriend having sex and then asks him “What are you guys doing?” and his brother yells “Get out! We're making cake!”

So Johnny leaves and goes to his room. The next day the whole family is at the dinner table and Little Johnny turns to his sister and says “So, you and your boyfriend were making cake last night huh!” and she replies “OMG! How'd you know!?!?” and Johnny replies “Because, I licked the icing off the couch” ayyyyyy.

What did Michael Jackson find on his bedsheets?

Billie's Jeans... Hee hee!

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    • Jimmy asks an elevator operator what he thinks of his job.

    The operator shrugs and says, "It has its ups and downs!"

    What did my grandpa say after he kicked the bucket?

    Nothing, I unplugged his life support before he said a word.

    One time this kid came back from school and said, "Mom I have one good news and one bad news, which one do you wanna hear first?" And his mom said, "Good news please," and the boy said, "I got 100% on my math test today." and his mom gave him a hug, and the boy said, "Now to the bad news, I LIED!"

    Only one of Kenny's girlfriends has ever said he's good in bed.

    But she has to. She's his mom.