HI jokes
Jack quietly crawled through Jill’s bedroom window, trying not to make a single noise. She sat on her bed, her back facing him. Jack tiptoed up behind her, laid his hands on her shoulders and said, in a rather sensual tone,
“Boo.”
“Jack!” She yelled, “what are you doing here?”
Jack sat down next to her and smiled.
“I figured today was a good day to maybe go up to the hill?” He said.
“That sounds fun,” said Jill.
“C’mon, let’s go!”
The kids climbed down from Jill’s second story window. They frolicked around in the fields, hair swaying in the wind, as they neared the nearby hill. Jack took Jill’s hand, and they skipped up to the very top of the hill. They sat down on the bright green grass and giggled.
“You ready?” Asked Jack.
“Ready as I’ll ever be,” Jill replied with a wink.
Jack laid his hand on Jill’s chest, softly pushing her onto her back. He got down on his knees, and bent down to the bottom of her dress.
“I’ve waited a long time for this...” he whispered.
Jack slowly pulled up Jill’s dress with one hand, running the other up her thigh. His anticipation was building faster and faster. He looked her in the eyes as he slowly pulled down her panties. Once they were all the way off, he turned his head downward. His mouth opened, his eyes went wide. Jack was speechless. Before he could say anything, Jill slammed his head down, gagging him with her giant cock. She sat up as she slammed his head up and down. Jack began to feel dizzy as he gagged and coughed.
“Silly Jack, didn’t you know? I’m not Jill. I never was. My name’s Randy. You’re mine now, Jack. So sit back, enjoy the ride.” Said Randy.
Randy moved Jack’s head faster and faster as he threw his head back. It was coming, fast. All of a sudden, he stopped. Jack’s head stood still as his mouth became a fountain of white, drizzling all over Randy’s legs and onto the grass. Randy let go and Jack jumped back, spitting and trying to get it all out of his mouth. Just as the dizziness began to fade, Randy walked over. The last thing Jack saw was Randy’s fist hurtling towards him...
I visited my new friend in his apartment. He told me to make myself at home.
So I threw him out. I hate having visitors.
My boyfriend dumped me. Guess who came back crawling for his zimmer frame?
So I punched an orphan...
What's he/she going to do? Tell his/her parents???
We have a teacher in school. His name is Haybrock, but he is gay, so we call him Gaybrock.
A: Why did Sally fall off the swing?
B: Why?
A: Because she has no arms.
Knock, knock.
B: Who's there?
A: Not Sally.
Joe was eating ice cream while walking on the street. He dropped his ice cream. Why?
B: I don't know, why?
A: Because Sally was driving the car.
A Priest and a Rabbi walk into a bar.
These two have been great friends for over 20 years...play golf together...and meet every Tuesday at a classy bar for a glass of wine...talk about golf...good wine and spiritual matters. One day while at the bar enjoying a glass of merlot, the Rabbi raises his glass of wine and says to his long time friend.."brother, do you believe Jesus turned water into wine?"...the Priest thinks for a moment and raises his glass of wine and replies..."yes brother, I do believe Jesus turned water into wine...but don't get excited...since Jesus was Jewish, the wine was probably Manischewitz."
HAIKU JOKE:
Helen Keller could Fuck a blind man so hard that she Ends up with his child.
Yo mama was so fat, Huggy Wuggy couldn't fit his arms around her!
What did the father name his daughter with no legs?
Peggy.
What does Michael Jackson say when he stubs his toe?
Ow!
I have an Uncle named Ricky, who made ur mom sticky.
His dad calls him pricky and everyone begs for his dicky.
You look like the type of guy to wash his/her hands after a shower! (And don't write in the comments that there are more than 2 genders.)
Q: Why doesn’t Jimmy Swaggart worry about his premature ejaculation problem?
A: He believes in the second cumming.
My grandpa was the best soldier ever. He gunned down over 100 soldiers in his bunker during D-Day.
Three men were lost in the desert and found a genie who granted each of them a wish.
The 1st man wished he was home with his family. The 2nd man wished he was home with his family, and the 3rd man wished they were all back together again.
Why did the kid drop his ice cream?
He got hit by a bus.
Give a man a match, and he's warm for a few minutes. Set him on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
What's white and annoying at breakfast? An avalanche.
Why did little Suzy fall off the swing? She got hit by an axe.
Why did little Billy drop his ice cream? He got hit by a bus.
How do you make a plumber cry? Kill his family.
Why does Spiderman only have 11 months in his calendar?
Because he lost May!