HI jokes

What’s the difference between a priest and acne? At least acne waits til the boy is 12 to come on his face.

Your forehead is so big that Mastermind thought you were his long lost brother!

I was watching a documentary about how storks carry babies from their previous life to the next.

In his old life, Michael Jackson must’ve been a teddy bear. The storks let him play with kids for a change.

Jim was caught beating a man up. Brooklyn took a picture of his license plate with her phone and told him, "Your life is ruined!" So Jim took a picture of her, and the next thing you know, he said, "Now my phone is ruined!"

I was reading the news and read that a kid killed his family, and when they interviewed him, he said he wanted to become Batman.

I asked a man if I was the fastest gun in the west. He said my 17 wasn't good enough. After that, a lot of lead went into his head.

A little girl said one day, "Grandma's gonna die tonight!" The next morning, the girl's grandmother's body was found.

That day she said again, "Grandpa's gonna die tonight!" Sure enough, the girl's grandfather died and his body was discovered the next morning.

That day she said, "Daddy's gonna die tonight." The girl's father was terrified. He lay shaking the entire night. Somehow, he survived until morning. His wife came into the room crying. He asked her why she was upset and she said that the postman had died last night.

A Down syndrome child is drowning, he calls for help with all of his voice: "Somebody help me!! I'm Downing!"

BA DUM TSS

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    • This kid was crying, so I asked him where his parents were. He just cried harder. I still remember him every time I pass that orphanage.

    Little Johnny sits on a chair. He notices he is sitting on something. Then he sees a plastic di**. He asks his mom, "What's that?" and Mom didn't know, so when his dad comes home from work, he sees him with the plastic di** and says, "Son, why you messing with my personal toy?"

    I tried kidnapping a kid today and told him I was his dad's friend and I would take him home. He just curled up into a ball and started crying. Kidnapping must be easy.

    22. Give a man a match, and he’ll be warm for a few hours. Set him on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.

    24. When does a joke become a dad joke? When it leaves you and never comes back.

    31. My grandfather said my generation relies too much on the latest technology. So I unplugged his life support.

    One time, a man got mad at me because I was hitting on his girlfriend. Like come on, man, it was only a couple of bruises!

    My dad was a master of art. He was compared to Houdini due to his skill of disappearing.