My friend was pissed off with me. I was sniffing his sister's knickers. It was worse that they were still on her. It was worse the family were there. It made the rest of her funeral really awkward.
Your mum is so fat Les Dawson would agree with me that when she passes her handbag from hand to hand, she throws it.
What do you call a blonde in the freezer?
Her parents named her Cindy, so we should probably continue to call her that. She was supposed to graduate tomorrow.
Yo mama so fat that Hannibal Lecter couldn't eat her up.
I named my daughter Kennedy so when I talked about how her brain was shot out of her head, people just thought I paid really close attention in history.
If you have a daughter, give her the same name as the mum; that way when you call for a beer, you get two beers, and when you call for sex, you get two sex...
The teacher asked her class to use "definitely" in a sentence. Little Johnny raised his hand to answer, yet the teacher passed him and went on to Kevin. "The sky is definitely blue." "Very good Kevin, but the sky can also be blue or black," the teacher replied.
Little Johnny raised his hand again as high as he could, yet the teacher passed right over him and picked Annie from the back of the room. "The grass is definitely green." "Very good Annie, but it can also be brown." Little Johnny was waving his hand like crazy seeking her attention. Finally, she called on him. "Mine's more of a question, but do farts have lumps in them?" "Why no, Johnny, why would you ask such a question?" She questioned. "Well, if they don't have lumps in them, then I definitely just shit myself."
Yo mama's so ugly, and her voice is so loud that The X Factor doesn't want or need her to show up to the performances when she sings.
Yo mama's so fat, she irons her clothes on the driveway.
Yo mama's so fat her blood type is coca-cola
Yo mama's so stupid that she studied for her eye test.
Your momma is so ugly that she went out as herself for Halloween.
Your momma so fat, when she stepped on the weighing scales, her phone number came up!
Yo mama's like a fridge, she breaks down when she loses her cool.
What does Hellen Keller call her dog?
"NAUSHFBUYGWF"
My wife told me I was immature. I just told her to get out of my pillow fort.
Why'd Sally drop her ice cream?
She was hit by a bus.
Why did Sally not save the mountain climber?
Because it was her dad.
Yo mama so fat, when she goes to the movies she sneaks candy in her fat rolls.
How did Reese eat her cereal? - Witherspoon!
