Herring jokes
What's the same between a pregnant 14 year old and her fetus? They're both saying "Oh my god, my mom's gonna kill me!"
A mother and her 7 year old child are walking in the grocery store. The young boy then screams to a random woman “you're an ugly bitch.”
The mother grabs her son and says, “I’m so sorry, I must have told him a thousand of times to not judge people on how they look."
How do we know that Princess Diana had dandruff?
Because they found her head and shoulders in the glovebox.
What’s black, white, and red? A nun that fell down a 100 flight of stairs.
What’s black, white, and laughing? The nun that pushed her!
Why did Gemma fall off her bike?
She got hit by a fridge.
What do you tell a woman with two black eyes?
Nothing, you haven't told her twice.
Yo mama so blind that when she played Fortnite, she got her vision back, got 'em!
If a cat hits you with her tail, is it considered being pussy whipped?
If your girl smells like tilapia, don’t let her on top of ya.
Did you hear about the blind prostitute?
Well, you gotta hand it to her.
How did Rihanna know that Chris Brown was cheating on her? There was a different color of lipstick on his knuckles.
Yo mama's so fat, when God said, "Let there be light," he asked her to move out of the way.
What is a similarity between a pregnant 14-year-old and the fetus inside of her?
They both are thinking, "Shit! Mom is gonna kill me!"
Yo mama is so ugly, when there was a tornado, the tornado refused to suck her up.
What’s pink, nine inches, and makes my wife cry when I shove it down her throat?
Her Miscarriage.
How do you get a hippie chick pregnant?
You cum on her feet and let the flies do the rest.
Yo mama is so slow, when she stepped on the highway they had to order a crane to come move her from starting traffic.
My girlfriend asked me to tell a joke. I told her to look in the mirror.
We never met again.
Why did Brandon's mum chase him with a knife? Because he didn't let her cum first!
A girl comes home and finds her dad and 4-year-old brother on the sofa. She says, "Dad, why is he wearing that face mask?"
The dad buckles his belt and says, "There's more for you, hunny."