Herring jokes

A can of worms popping up and down inside a lot of people and a girl ate the can of worms: It was her imaginenation.

A women's knitters group is having a meeting, and they are all pregnant. They all talk about their pregnancies.

One woman says, "I'm taking vitamin C so my baby has a healthy immune system."

Another knitter says, "I'm taking folic acid to help my baby's brain."

Finally, one woman says, "I'm taking Thalidomide!"

All the women turn to her and say, "Thalidomide! Don't you know your baby could be born without arms?"

The woman shrugs her shoulders and says, "I don't know how to knit arms."

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    • Girl playing outside: "Step on a line and you break your mommy's spine." She then steps on a line and her mother keels over screaming.

    Girl playing outside: "Step on a crack and you break daddy's back." She steps on a crack the mailman next door then keels over screaming.

    The husband starts celebrating, gets in the car, and starts to drive away.

    The son comes outside and steps on a crack.

    The dad then dies in a car crash.

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    • What is the difference between a feminist and a female prostitute? If you want a female prostitute to be a bitch, you have to give her money first.

    What does a freshly pregnant teen and her baby share?

    They both think, "Mom's probably going to kill me."

    Dear Hearing People,

    We, deaf people, ain’t dead. We can use our hands to talk, eat & fist your face to give you some 💡 awareness that we can understand you 💯 meanwhile we laugh at you 🤡 We can even dance via vibration through music.

    Do you know the song w lyric like this 👇 *white b.... accent: Ohhh.. MY God BECKY.. L👀k at her butt. IT is SO BIG. *BIG BEAT DROP* I...LIKE...BIG...BUTT...I cannot LIE 👻 I promise we ain’t ghosting around - Brittany Rose.

    A mom cow's last words were to the mom cow's son. They were, "You are..." then died. The son thought that he was adopted, but then three years later, the mom cow rose from the dead and said to her son that she was going to say, "You were adorable." Then she died once more. Then two years later, she rose from the dead for the last time to say to her son, "And that's why we adopted you."

    I work at a bank and an old woman asked me to check her balance.

    So I pushed her over.

    Kenney lost his virginity to a $10 hooker, but he only had to pay $5. She was his sister, so he got the family discount.

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    • A FedEx plane was carrying 375 fridges across Africa, but the cargo door wasn't shut properly, and only 218 reached the desired destination. The rest landed in a remote village. How many fell out the plane?

    Time's up! You took too long; you only had 4 seconds to answer it.

    How do you put an elephant into the fridge that pushed out the cargo door?

    Open the fridge, put the elephant in, and close the door.

    How do you put a giraffe into the fridge?

    Open the fridge, take out the elephant. Then put in the giraffe and close the door.

    Why did Sally fall off the swing?

    Because she got hit by the other 156 refrigerators.

    How did she survive?

    Her idiot mother tried to pull her out and accidentally ripped both her arms off, but she was rescued 8 minutes later.

    If I worked for Edexcel, I'd give Caroline Flack an A* for her physics experiment.

    A lady comes into the boys' bathroom and a boy sees her.

    "This is not a girls' bathroom," he says.

    She answers, "I don’t care," she says, "I NEED TO PEE!"

    A girl invites her friends to come to her birthday party, and at the party, one of her friends poops their pants.

    When Sally finds out, she yells, “I never should have invited you to my party! You are a party pooper!”

    Two girls are at a play and are about to go on the stage.

    Ally before the other girl goes on stage: Break a leg!

    Rachel: Alright!

    On stage, Rachel trips over a stand and breaks her leg.

    Rachel calling backstage: I broke my leg!