I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather, but not like the other passengers in the car with him.
Grandfather Jokes
My grandfather says I'm too reliant on technology. I called him a hypocrite and unplugged his life support.
Why did Grampa pass out? Because of diabetes.
An 80-year-old blind man asks his grandson, "Can you grab my glasses?"
Then the grandson says, "Did you get in the flour again?"
Grandpa said, "No, it was the weed."
What's the difference between flat earthers and my grandfather? Flat earthers are more disconnected from reality than my grandfather is disconnected from his life support.
My grandfather died at Auschwitz.
Poor fella fell off the guard tower.
I can't remember the last full conversation I had with my grandfather.
Good thing is, since he hit his head, he can't remember either.
My grandfather has the heart of a lion... And a lifetime ban from the zoo.
Why did the family get mad at the boy for eating at the funeral?
While trying to season his food, he mistook his cremated grandfather for salt.
When Jim was playing on his phone, my grandfather told him, "You use way too much technology!" Jim then said, "No, YOU use too much technology!" and then Jim disconnected his grandfather’s life support.
One day a boy asks his grandfather for some money, and the grandpa says, “Well, can your dick touch your asshole?” To which the boy replied, “No.” So the grandpa says, “Okay,” and leaves it at that and walks off.
A few years later, the boy asks his grandfather for some money again, and his grandfather once again asks, “Can your dick touch your asshole?” To which the boy proudly says, “Yes, it can.” To which the grandpa says, “Good, now go fuck yourself.”
My grandfather had the heart of a lion,
and a lifetime ban from the zoo.
What is it called when the gynecologist slanders your grandfather?
A pap smear.
