Funny jokes

I told my dad I was self harming. The next day we talked about it and he said, "Hey you should CUT it out." It was funny but I couldn't bring myself to laugh at that.

Hey, did you know Paul Walker's gay?

Why do you say that?

Because he likes to wrap himself around long, old wood.

Q: Wanna see something funny?

A: Sure.

*bomb Florida*

Why do midgets have to wear a green bright jacket when crossing the road?

Because they will get turned into a pancake even more.

It's not funny, I know.

What do you call a funny chicken?

A comedi-hen!

I reached into my pocket and pulled out a rectal thermometer and thought,

"Some asshole has my pen!"

The quiet kid's dad dies. You go, "Knock knock."

"Who's there?"

"Not your dad."

Then he says, "What comes after 47?"

The quiet kid says, "AK."

I bought an anti-bullying wristband. I say I bought it; I stole it off a fat ginger kid.

Me: Do you know a funny joke?

Friend: Yes, you.

A prisoner dug out of prison. He appeared in a playground. He said, "I'm free, I'm free!" A kid said, "So what? I'm four."

I'm on a seafood diet. I see food and I eat it! 😌

Who wants to fight!? Hate?! And pick on each other through the comments.

ANYONE?

Nothing is funny about the Name who died an agonizing death, was mocked, spit on, and humiliated all because we were sinners and God saved us so we could be free from the punishment of sin.

Jesus is sinless and perfect and loving. How dare you!

Dad: Hey son, wanna hear a joke?

Son: Sure thing, dad!

Dad: Your mother and I are getting a divorce. She found out that I was sleeping with the neighbor's dog!

Son: I don't get the joke, dad.

Dad: It's my life, son! My life is the joke.

Few jokes (sorry if they have already been used).

1 I couldn't figure out why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.

2 Why does Humpty Dumpty love autumn? Because he always has a great fall.

3 Have you heard the one about the skunk? Never mind, it really stinks.

4 It's always windy in a sports arena. All those fans.

5 What is the best day to go to the beach? Sunday, of course!

6 Comic Sans walks into a bar. The bartender says, "We don't serve your type here."

7 What's the easiest way to get straight As? Use a ruler.

8 Why were they called the Dark Ages? Because there were lots of knights.

My friend was in a wheelchair, so I rolled him in fire. Now I call him Hot Wheels.

The people at 9/11 must have been able to read fast. If I explain it, it won't be funny. This is an old joke my friend told me.

She blew on it, and it went hard.

When you were born, your mom said you were out of bounds, so you went flying out of the hospital.

Knock knock.

Me, a person: Who's there?

A: Deez nuts!