Free Candy jokes

Then: You want free candy?

Now: You want free Wi-Fi?

Good Lord, any tips on how to kidnap children? I say, "Free candy," and they run.

Imagine a white van. Now imagine a white guy in the driver seat with a sombrero on and his arm out the window, and on the side of the van it says "Free Candy." But there's blood all over the van and a dead clown in the back.

Madeline McCann must have been homeless or something, she was sure eager for the free candy.

Roses are red.

I have free candy. Get in my van. I have free candy!

I don't got free candy. It costs child support.

My favorite quote will always be, "Sketchy candy is better than no candy."

- One of the thousands of missing children.

Candy is dandy.

But liquor is quicker.

If you think about it, taking candy from a baby is good because candy is bad for babies.

A pedophile lures a group of Houston Girl Scouts with "Hey girls, would you like some candy?" They all agree and follow him to his neighborhood. There he offers them some more candy and they follow him to his house. Once again he offers them candy to go in to his house. In the lounge he offers them candy to go to his room. As he leads them up the stairs one of them pipes up and says "God, I hope we get laid before we get diabetes."

Daughter: Mommy?

Mom: Hey.

Daughter: What kind of kids do they use to make Sour Patch Kids?

Mom: They don’t use kids to make Sour Patch Kids.

Daughter: Oh, that’s why the ones I made taste kind of funny...