Where does the banana learn to split? At Sunday school.
How does a disabled kid walk to school?
He wishes he had the facilities to.
Teacher: “If you got ten dollars from ten people, what would you have?”
Johnny: “A new bike!”
The teacher was terrified to hear Little Johnny swear.
“I never want you to use language like that again. Where on earth did you pick it up?”
“From my father,” said Johnny.
“Well, he should be ashamed of himself. And it’s no reason for you to talk like that. You don’t even know what it means.”
“I do,” said Johnny. “It means the car won’t start.”
Little Johnny was overheard by his mother reciting his homework, “Two plus two, the son of a b*tch is four; four plus four, the son of a b*tch is eight; eight plus eight, the son of a b*tch...;” “Johnny!” shouted his mother. “Stop swearing!” “But mom!” Little Johnny protested, “That’s what the teacher taught us! And she said we should recite it till we learned it!”
The next day his mother went to the teacher to complain. “No, no,” said the teacher, terrified. “That’s not what I taught them. They’re supposed to say: ‘Two plus two, the sum of which is four.’”
A teacher asks her class, “What do you want to be when you grow up?” Little Johnny says “I wanna be a billionaire, going to the most expensive clubs, take the best b*tch with me, give her a Ferrari worth over a million bucks, an apartment in Hawaii, a mansion in Paris, a jet to travel through Europe, an Infinite Visa Card and to make love to her three times a day.”
The teacher, shocked, and not knowing what to do with the bad behavior of the child, decides not to give importance to what he said and then continues the lesson. “And you, Susie?” the teacher asks. Susie says “I wanna be Johnny’s b*tch.”
What do you call a student in space?
An astrodent.
Are you a professor? I have a theory about sex that I need to test on someone.
Teacher: Hi class, today we will learn about the song, "London Bridge is falling down, falling down."
Then one student said, "I thought it was 'Twin Towers are falling down, falling down!'"
Halloween joke:
What do you get when you cross a vampire with a teacher?
A blood test.
I was high in high school, but not as high as the people jumping from the buildings
Kid me: I lost my stick.
Teacher: No, you didn’t.
Kid me: How do you know that?
Teacher: It’s hanging out of your pants.
What was JFK's favorite school TV show?
BrainPop.
"Alexa, open Kahoot!"
She wears short skirts, I wear t-shirts, and we're both getting sent home from school because it's distracting to boys, apparently.
Heaven is like university: no one gets in.
Maths...
....Addition, frustration, subtraction, aggression, depression.
"Meow, meow, I'm a dog," said the sped kid.
Guess what, everybody? I'm dumb in math. I'm dumb and stupid at math.
"Suck me off, daddy, I'm doing homework."