DoS jokes
If you're ever bored, just rape an orphan! What are they gonna do, tell their parents?
If you're ever bored, punch an orphan. What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?
What do retarded cops give tickets for?
Going over 45 in a potato zone.
A blind comedian was asked to do stand up for a hospital. No one laughed at his jokes, so he continued to sing, "If you're happy and you know it..."
The room was full of arm amputees.
How do trees calculate square roots? They use log-arithms.
What do you call dynamite on steroids? - High Explosive.
How do you cook macaroni? With a shark-spoon-a-rooni!
What do you call a dancing cow that dies while dancing?
Dead mooves.
What do you call a cow with three legs?
My ex.
How do skeletons talk to each other? By the telebone.
What do you get when a dog that is actually a Weeto is caught in an earthquake?
Just like a chocolate milkshake, only crunchy!
Q: Why do I like bone jokes so much?
A: Because they are humerus.
What do you call a chicken that was cared for? A tendered chicken.
How do you fit 100 babies in a bowl? A blender.
How do you get them out? Tortilla chips.
What does a sponge do?
It talks to Patrick.
How do you get my neighbor out of their tree?
You untie the rope.
Three nuns are on their way up to heaven after having been involved in a terrible minibus crash on the Italian Alps that killed them and the driver (he went the other direction!).
As they're approaching the Pearly Gates to be interviewed by St. Peter, they are requested by an attendant to form a single line and wait. Sister Agnes is first, Sister Bernadette behind her and Sister Carmel on the end.
Finally, St. Peter approaches the nuns to determine their worthiness for entry to Heaven.
He says to the first nun: "Sister Agnes, have you ever seen the penis of a man?"
Sister Agnes bursts into tears and says: "Yes, St. Peter, I have, but please don't let this prevent me from entering the Kingdom of Heaven."
St. Peter says: "Never fear, my child. Say a thousand Hail Marys and then go over to that font of Holy Water and wash your eyes out, then you shall enter the Kingdom of Heaven."
Sister Carmel sees what's going on and taps Sister Bernadette on the shoulder, somewhat urgently.
"Pssst - hey Bernie"!, she says.
Sister Bernadette asks: "What is it?" A little annoyed.
Sister Carmel says: "Do you mind if we swap places"?
Sister Bernadette replies: "What for"?
Sister Carmel says: "Well, I wouldn't mind gargling before you stick your ass in there!"
Do your buses run on time?
No, they run on diesel.
What do my baby and dinosaurs have in common? They are both dead.
What do you get when a cow is caught in an earthquake?
You get a milkshake!