DoS jokes
A blind man walks into a bar and asks the bartender, "Wanna hear a blonde joke?" The bartender replies with, "I'm blonde, the man working next to me is blonde, the woman next to you is blonde, and the fat guy behind you is blonde." Then says, "Do you really wanna tell the blonde joke?" The blind guy responds with, "No, I don't wanna tell it that many times."
What do you say to toast with bad shoes?
"Butter those."
Q: If George Washington was alive today, what would he do?
A: Scratch mercilessly at the coffin walls, while screaming at the top of his lungs!
How do Chinese people name their children?
They throw pots and pans down the stairs and listen for the sounds, "Ching Chong Chang."
How do you get a one-armed man out of a tree?
You wave at him.
What pants do you wear to church? Hole-y ones.
What do you call a retarded duck?
Fuck duck and lick my balls.
What do you call a candle in armor?
A knight light.
What do you call a fake noodle?
An impasta.
What do you call a boomerang that never comes back?
Daddy.
Two fish were in a tank. One turned to the other and asked: "Hey, how do you drive this thing?"
What do you call a white man in court?
SUPERIOR!
Why do Down's kids blend in in geometry?
Their foreheads are angled.
How do you make a cat go "woof"?
... douse it in gasoline and set it on fire! "woof!"
There's an old lady doing gardening every year. Nothing grows. She goes to the man who lives next door. She says, "How do you get your tomatoes so big and red?" He tells her, "You show them your privates at night time." So she leaves. That night later, she goes outside and shows the garden her privates. The next day she's got zucchinis a meter long!
Look at your left hand, now look at your right hand, and tell yourself, "Which hand do you cheat with?"
Wanking.
Q: Why do Norwegian ships have bar codes on them?
A: So when they come into port they can Scan-Da-Navy-In!
If you are ever bored, punch an orphan. What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?
What do you call a fake noodle?
An impasta!
Monkey: What ya doing?
Other monkey: Just you know, "hanging around."
Bad joke, right? I just can't think of something amazing. It's like my brain is "hanging."