DoS jokes
What do you call a cow grazing a field with 50% grass and 50% weed?
High steaks gambling.
What do city plumbers and pedophiles have in common?
They both lay pipes in public parks.
What do you call a friendly noise? A sound wave.
What do you call an appetite including apples? Appletite.
What do you call a pie made by an octopus? Octopie.
What do you call all down syndromes?
Twins.
What do a girl and a bar have in common?
A- Liquor in the front, poker in the back!
Who do you call someone that steals his brother's girlfriend and [is] disowned by his whole family? Brandon.
If Canadians speak "English Eh?", do Americans speak "English B?"
What do you call a magic owl?
HOOdini
Why do pizzas not tell jokes?
They're too cheesy.
Q: What do you do with a sick chemist?
A: If you cannot helium, you have to curium. If you cannot curium, you have to barium!
Two homeless alcoholics want to get drunk but don't have enough money for even the cheapest drinks in any bar. So one of them devises a clever plan: he tells his friend, "We should buy a hot-dog sausage with the last of our money and stick it down my pants, then drink a load of drinks. But then when the bill comes, you get down and suck on the hot-dog, and it'll look like you're sucking on my dick. So then we'll get thrown out without paying, and we can just go to another bar and do the same thing again."
His friend agrees, so they buy the hot-dog, stick it down the first dude's pants, go to the bar, and then the second dude begins to suck on the hot-dog as agreed. They are thrown out and hit another four bars this way. In the end, as they lie drunk on the floor in some alleyway, the second guy says, "Well, what a great night. Free beers in five different bars!" The first guy says, "Yeah! Especially since the hot-dog fell out before we even reached the first bar!"
Why do Asians don’t wear contacts? Cause they can’t fitt.
How did the carpenter do on his interview? He nailed it!
What do you call a dog magician?
Labracadabrador!
What do you call a bad "egg" meme?
Deep fried!
What do you need in order to crash a train?
A bad track record.
What do you call a blonde?
A piss-head.
How do you get a hippie chick pregnant?
You cum on her feet and let the flies do the rest.