DoS jokes
A kid is arrested for a school shooting threat. He is then apprehended and asked why he wanted to do this. He responds with, "What do you mean? I already did it." Then the police ran back to the school to apprehend the other people he was planning it with. The cops busted in through the doors, which caused a smoke trap to go off, which then the cops saw three people walk in and the police begin to fire. But as the smoke began to clear, the cops saw that the three people were 16 kids duck taped to rolling poles, 4 per pole. Back at the station, holding the kid being apprehended, the kid puts his feet up on a chair and said, "Aww, it pays to be lazy!"
What do you call a 5-year-old with no friends?
A Sandy Hook survivor.
What do dogs do that trees don't do?
Answer: They bark!
badoom ching
Why do mountains get so big?
They have no natural predators.
What do you say when you see an apple dancing in a talent show?
He's got some "sweet" moves!
What do you call a man with no body and no nose?
No Body Knows.
No body nose.
What do you call a man with no body and no nose?
Nobody knows. No body, nose.
What do you call a cool octopus?
Tenta-cool (tentacle)
Where do you get milk from? The Milky Way, of course!
What do you call a cow with no legs?
It's still called a "cow."
Why do only guys have fun? There's only the word "penis" in happiness.
What does a cannibal do after he dumps his girlfriend?
He wipes his ass.
What do you do when your baby starts screaming?
Use more lube.
What do Stephen Hawking and the Wicked Witch have in common?
If you throw water over them, they both die...
What do Chinese people order: noodles in bed with some fried cat?
What do you call a person with an "a" in their autism?
Why do cows die?
'Cuz they are to beef.
What do you call a gay cow? A gay cow.
Kid starts shooting people in school, teacher asks “why are you doing that”. He responds, “I wanted to paint the walls red for Christmas”
Kid starts short-coming people in school. Teacher asks, "Why are you doing that?"
He responds, "I wanted to paint the walls red for Christmas!"