DoS jokes
What do you call a retard in a house fire?
Flame Retardant.
What do you call a Mexican with no car?
Carlos.
What do you call people that make retarded jokes?
You.
What do you call a couple Mexicans getting stoned in a bush? Buches baked breans.
What do you call a fish without an eye? Fsh.
This gay guy was so happy with his new boyfriend that he took him to his favorite gay bar.
An hour or so goes by, then the new flame says, "I just LOVE this place, everyone is so nice, food is great, but what's up with the monkey way down there?"
His friend says "OK, watch this." He goes up behind the chimp and smacked him in back of its head. The monkey jumped off the stool, pulls down his zipper, and gives him head. When finished, the chimp took a napkin, cleaned himself, pulled up his zipper, then jumped back to his chair.
He walked back to his new gay friend and said, "What do you think of that?"
"MAN, I seen some amazing things, but never like that!" His squeeze said, "Wanna give it a try?"
"I sure do, JUST DON'T hit me as hard as you hit that monkey."
What do you call a fish with no eyes?
A fish with no eyes.
What do you call a skeleton with no friends? Bonely.
What do you call a woman who says she can do anything a man can do?
Wrong.
*on a date*
me - "I get to work with animals all day."
her - "How sweet! What do you do?"
me - "I'm a butcher."
What do you call a Mexican that dives into a pool? Bean dip.
Two skeleton brothers are talking.
1st bro: "Hey, get up! You and do some exercise! You are so heavy, you weigh a ton!"
2nd bro: "A skele-TON :)"
How do you fit 15 babies into a shoe box?
A blender.
How do you get them out of the shoe box? A straw.
What do you call a person with no arms or legs at your front door? Mat.
What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in a pile of leaves? Russel.
What do a pedophile and a clock have in common? Neither of them go past 12.
What can a mouse do?
He clicks.
Why does Stephen Hawking do one-liners? Because he can't do stand-up.
Why did the squirrel do the backstroke?
He wanted to keep his nuts dry.
How do you stay warm in a cold room?
You go to the corners. It's always 90 degrees.