Domestic task jokes

What do you do when a person with epilepsy gets seizures in the bathtub? Throw in some laundry.

How many men does it take to open a bottle of beer?

A: None, it should be opened by the time she brings it.

How many babies does it take to paint a wall?

Depends how hard you throw them.

The weirdest thing happened yesterday. My dad came back from work... He’s a suicide bomber.

My mom told me it's not healthy to stay in my room all day... but the only places I'm allowed to go to are my room and downstairs.

I seriously don't get why people in Alabama are angered that Mexican immigrants are taking their jobs. I mean, it's not like they are preventing your son from giving you a big, fat blow job.

What do you do when your dishwasher stops working? You slap her on the ass and tell her to get back to work.

I started beating my washing machine because it wasn't working, my wife started crying.