Deception jokes

A blind woman told me I had a big penis yesterday.

I think she was pulling my leg.

COP: Are you high?

ME: If I was high, could I do this? *walks in a perfectly straight line*

COP: Wth he just walked off a cliff.

me: I'm going to steal your heart.

her: omg that's so romantic!!

me, an organ trafficker: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

It's opposite day today. I'm gonna tell an orphan that their parents are here.

A man dies and goes to heaven. When he gets there, he sees an angel standing in the center of a room, surrounded by clocks. The man goes over to the angel and says, "What are these clocks for?" The angel looks at him. "These are lie clocks," the angel says, "every time someone lies, it ticks once. Mother Teresa never lied, so hers is at noon, and Honest Abe only lied twice." The man asks, "Where is Bill Clinton's clock?" The angel smiles, then points up at the fan.

What does Jesus have in common with Pinocchio?

They believe their own lies.

Q: How do you punish a blind person?

A: Give them a gun and tell them it's a hairdryer.

Kid: Mom! You lied to me!

Mom: When?

Kid: You told me that my little brother was an Angel!

Mom: Sooo?

Kid: Then why didn’t he fly when I threw him off the balcony?

Mom: WHAT!!!??!!

I gave a gun to a blind person and told them it was a hair dryer.

I gave a blind person a gun and said it was a hair dryer.

HAHAHAH! You all got April fooled in the wrong month!

What is the worst animal to play cards with? A cheater.

When I was a kid, my hamster died, so my mum bought a new identical one, hoping I wouldn't notice. It didn't matter anyway, since I beat that one to death, too.

I gave a blind kid a gun and said it was a hair dryer.

How do you keep a blind kid busy? Give him sandpaper and tell him it's a find-a-word. 😂🤣

I spat on a blind kid and told him it was raining.

You know they're lying when they say, "My mom's picking me up."

Two nuns walk into a liquor store, and one asked the clerk for the biggest bottle of Irish whisky he had.

The clerk replied, "Heck no sister, you nuns aren't supposed to drink that stuff!" The nun said, "Well my son, it is not for us, you see, it is for Mother Teresa," then the nun whispers, "She has the constipation."

The clerk said, "Oh, in that case, it's on the house. Here's the biggest jug we have." The nuns thank him, bless him, and leave. A few hours later, as the clerk is leaving, he sees the same two sisters in the parking lot, rolling around and drinking the Irish whiskey. Appalled, he goes over to them and says, "You ladies lied to me! You told me it was for Mother Teresa for her constipation!"

One of the nuns takes another swig, looks up at him and says "You wanna know something buddy? She sure will shit when she sees us!"

Give a blind kid a torch and tell him it's a hairdryer.

I gave a blind kid a gun and said it was a blow dryer.