Deception jokes

What’s the best part about sex with twenty eight year olds?

There are twenty of them.

I told my new girlfriend that my mother is deaf.

So she would have to speak loudly and slowly.

I told my mother that my new girlfriend is disabled. Now we wait.

Three drunk guys entered a taxi.

The taxi driver knew that they were drunk, so he started the engine and turned it off again. Then said, "We have reached your destination." The first guy gave him money, and the second guy said, "Thank you." The third guy slapped the driver. The driver was shocked, thinking the third drunk knew what he did. But then he asked, "What was that for?" The third guy replied, "Control your speed next time, you nearly killed us!"

I asked the homeless woman if I could take her home. She said yes, so I took it.

When I was recently standing in front of a huge puddle with my buddy, I remembered how he tricked me a week ago. So I tricked him...

I thought I saw a cool sticker on my office window, then I realized it was getting bigger and bigger.

My dad never came back with the milk. My mom told me he's in the army.

What is the worst thing your sibling can steal from you?

Your virginity.

People should've recognized that Jared Fogle was a sick offender by one coded Subway sandwich; he normally claimed to kids he ate the sweet onion chicken teriyaki when it was the tuna sub.

Tuna sub was the message of the target to the kid since "tuna sub" put together makes "tunasub" and the truth comes when you spell it in reverse ("busanut")!

I told a kid his dad is a magician because he disappeared and never came back home.

How to kill a blind person.

Give them a gun and tell them it's a hairdryer.

What do you call a teddy bear that fooled you?

Stuffed.

I can always tell if someone is lying just by looking at them.

I can also tell if they are standing.

White girl: So this crystal cures my depression and helps me lose weight?

Me holding a rock of meth: YES!!!

A woman is on the edge of a bridge, about to commit suicide, when a strange man comes up to her.

"Tell me, why do you wish to end your life?" he asks in a booming but gentle voice.

"My children died last year in a car crash, I'm battling depression, my husband left me, and I lost my job," she sobs. "I don't wish to live anymore."

The man mulls this over, and proclaims, "I will solve all your problems, as I am a wizard and possess unfathomable abilities. However, you must grant me a blowjob first."

The delighted woman readily agrees, takes him below the bridge, and fulfills his request. After they're done, he asks, "How old are you?"

"37," she replies, wiping her mouth.

"You're 37 and you still believe in wizards?"

"Poor old fool," thought the gentleman as he watched an old man fish in a puddle outside a pub. He invited the old man inside for a drink.

The gentleman asked, "So how many have you caught today?"

The old man replied, "You're the eighth."

Hi, I gave a blind kid a gun. I told him it was a hairdryer.

I gave a blind kid a gun. I told him it was a hair dryer.

So, I was on the phone with a scam caller. He said he knew where I lived and would kill my children and wife. Jokes on him, I already did.

How is a push-up bra like a bag of chips?

As soon as you open it, you realize it’s half empty.