Deception jokes

What is the worst thing about dating a blind woman?

Getting her husband's voice just right.

John pretended to be a doctor.

Motu came to him. He said, "I lost my hunger."

John brought some samosas for his lunch. Motu ate them. John said, "Your hunger is back!"

Then, Motu said, "I lost my taste."

John said, "Number 1, bring some water." Motu drank it and said, "This is petrol!" John said, "Your taste is back!"

Motu said, "I lost my memory."

John said, "Number 1, bring some medicine." Motu said, "But Number 1 brought water." John said, "Your memory is back!"

Jack and Jill went up a hill so Jack could eat her candy. But Jack got a shock and a mouth full of cock because Jill’s real name is Randy.

Shit! My neighborhood barber just got arrested for selling drugs! I've been his customer for 4 years, but I had no idea he was a barber.

Maria went home happy, telling her mother about how she earned $20 by climbing a tree. Her mom responded, "Maria, they just wanted to see your panties!" Maria replied, "See Mom, I was smart, I took them off!"

If BlessedBrian were any more two-faced, he’d be a Rubik’s Cube.

What’s the best part about sex with twenty eight year olds?

There are twenty of them.

I told my new girlfriend that my mother is deaf.

So she would have to speak loudly and slowly.

I told my mother that my new girlfriend is disabled. Now we wait.

Three drunk guys entered a taxi.

The taxi driver knew that they were drunk, so he started the engine and turned it off again. Then said, "We have reached your destination." The first guy gave him money, and the second guy said, "Thank you." The third guy slapped the driver. The driver was shocked, thinking the third drunk knew what he did. But then he asked, "What was that for?" The third guy replied, "Control your speed next time, you nearly killed us!"

I asked the homeless woman if I could take her home. She said yes, so I took it.

When I was recently standing in front of a huge puddle with my buddy, I remembered how he tricked me a week ago. So I tricked him...

I thought I saw a cool sticker on my office window, then I realized it was getting bigger and bigger.

My dad never came back with the milk. My mom told me he's in the army.

What is the worst thing your sibling can steal from you?

Your virginity.

People should've recognized that Jared Fogle was a sick offender by one coded Subway sandwich; he normally claimed to kids he ate the sweet onion chicken teriyaki when it was the tuna sub.

Tuna sub was the message of the target to the kid since "tuna sub" put together makes "tunasub" and the truth comes when you spell it in reverse ("busanut")!

I told a kid his dad is a magician because he disappeared and never came back home.

How to kill a blind person.

Give them a gun and tell them it's a hairdryer.

What do you call a teddy bear that fooled you?

Stuffed.

I can always tell if someone is lying just by looking at them.

I can also tell if they are standing.

White girl: So this crystal cures my depression and helps me lose weight?

Me holding a rock of meth: YES!!!