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You are so dumb that when you were driving to disneyland you saw a sign that said "Disneyland Left" so you turned around and went home.

You. Me. Gas station. What are we getting for dinner? Sushi of course. Uh oh! There was a roofie in our gas station sushi. We black out and wake up in a sewer surrounded by fish. Horny fish. You know what that means. Fish orgy. The stench draws in a bear. What do we do? We're gonna fight it. Bear fight. Bare handed. Bare, naked? Oh, yes please. We befriend the bear after we beat it in a brawl and ride it into a Chuck… Read more

The run for life and death Hi, I’m ava and I was in school at the time of the outbreak. You see, I'm at a success school. It's pretty much an alternative school for me and about 300 other people. Counting teachers, janitors, housekeeping, and students. Now to remind you this is a “school” so there's a lot of kids here, both boys and girls Attend this school and like any other school my school didn’t allow electronics… Read more

"When you have a dream, you've got to grab it and never let go Nothing is impossible There is nothing impossible to they who will try The bad news is time flies Life has got all those twists and turns Keep your face always toward the sunshine, and shadows will fall behind you.

I fucking hate Stuart Little. I know what you’re thinking, this is some funny joke, but no. Stuart Little is a piece of shit. fucking damn rat got picked over actual children at an orphanage and he’s supposed to be a hero? And I can’t even tell you how many damn times I’ve seen a great parking space only to turn the corner and realize Stuart Little is already parked there in his stupid tiny fucking convertible. He took my wife and the kids and my house and my job. I swear to fucking god.

SHREK

Written by

William Steig & Ted Elliott

SHREK Once upon a time there was a lovely princess. But she had an enchantment upon her of a fearful sort which could only be broken by love's first kiss. … Read more

I am the one, don't weigh a ton Don't need a gun to get respect up on the street (okay) Under the sun, the bastard son Will pop the Glock to feed himself and family (sheesh) By any means, your enemies my enemies We wet them up like a canteen (damn) The yellow tape surrounds the fate Don't have a face so now you late, open the gates

Great, eliminate like ElimiDate (woo) Hey, young boy had to penetrate (ooh) Face, you… Read more

This is completely a waist of time, but worth it at the same time.

*Dad's sitting on the couch reading news paper when wife walks in*

Husband: "This music.. Is the final boss coming? Or worse.. It's my wife..."

Wife: "You jobless monkey... Money to pay bills doesn't grow on tree's"

Husband: "Well it's no my fault.. And I was born poor *Over it* If I was son of Bill Gates I'd bathe in money.."

Wife: "First go bat… Read more

Sooooo update time!!

About a week ago, I made a post about how my crush didn't like me.

Turns put he does!!! I asked him out on friday, and he likes me back!! I'm so glad! Life's finally starting to turn around for me! (In a good way).

So, at school we had to make a poem about our passion, and I chose dance: I arrive at dance Excited and glad. I look around the room And get signed in.

The warmup has begun We begin to stretch, “To the left, To the right, Straighten your legs.”

I feel free I feel weightless. I dance my worries off.

The music then starts We go from the start, 1⁄2 an hour passes, Hip hop has begun.

Why is dance easy for some, But h… Read more

It turns out a major new study recently found that humans eat more bananas than monkeys. It’s true. I can’t remember the last time I ate a monkey.

I kinda wanna stay here all alone keep to myself and just stay home Having to correct every thought I have might be part of the reason I feel sad But life supposedly gets easier this way Or so they say But I guess I just can't give in When the world tells me no I still feel it in my bones Yeah this is our society but i'm coming clean I'm still a believer Let's call a cab and we'll get out of town Two blocks down we'l… Read more

No one ever really likes me for more than just a couple weeks and ill push and push until you leave. & if you try n stick around ill try my best to let you down until you get sick of me. I hate having friends, I just bend and bend and bend them til they break. I guess i'm fake. You're not gonna stick around for more than just a couple rounds of this shit. People pack their bags and leave, and say they just need … Read more

98% of Harvard students fail this riddle. I turn polar bears white and I will make you cry, I mean guys gotta pee and girls comb their hair. I make celebrities look stupid, and normal people look like celebrities. I make pancakes brown and your champagne bubble. If you squeeze me I'll pop, if you look at me you'll pop. Can you answer the riddle? Find the answer here on Monday around 10:50