I went to McDonald's to get a Big Mac. It was for his mom cause she was too fat.
What caused Captain Hook's death?
He accidentally used the wrong hand to wipe his ass.
Why'd my grandpa fall over?
'Cause I clapped his cheeks, fool!
why did the midget laugh when he ran, cause the grass tickles his balls
Why don't Chinese people believe in Santa? Cause they make the toys.
Why can Asian people buy phones?
'Cause they might call the wrong number.
Why did the pervert cross the road?
'Cause he was stuck to the chicken.
Why does Peter Pan always fly
Cause he neverlands
I either added you because we have shit tons of mutuals, or 'cause I'd let you spit alcohol in my mouth.
I'll let you decide.
Is that a mirror in your pants? Cause I can see myself inside them.
Q: why is america bad at chess
A: cause they already lost two towers
Hey, are you a terrorist? 'Cause I rate you 9/11.
Say this to your significant other (or your weird friends!)
Are you an unsafe staircase? 'Cause you look like you could use a railing.
Why does Michael Jackson like twenty-eight year olds?
'Cause there are twenty of them.
Are you the Twin Towers? Cause I'd love to take you out. 🤭
My grandma said, "Hey, you want a Butterfinger cause I do?"
Me: Grandpa's in the kitchen if you want a finger.
Why did the Titanic sink? Because your mom was on it.
What is an orphan's favorite movie? Hint, not Home Alone. It's actually Batman, 'cause they are 50% the same as him.
Why is the orphan cold?
'Cause there's no one to cuddle with.
Why do orphans become hookers?
'Cause they can call someone "daddy."
