Canning jokes
Can I make you a basketball cake for dessert?
Yeah, you sure can, but don't be having all your balls in it. It will taste nasty.
Where can a male and female rabbit make love at? The rabbit house or the rabbit hole?
A bear and a rabbit are at a bar getting high, smoking weed, talking about nothing but lies and straight up garbage.
And then the bear starts to drink too much damn liquor, gets drunk, and asks the rabbit, "Can I have one more scotch, pretty please?"
And the rabbit says, "Hell to the naw, I'm not about to carry your drunk ass home with me and smell your breath."
What's the difference between a hooker and a drug dealer?
A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again.
What's the difference between a hooker and a drug dealer?
A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again.
So my sister was eating Now&Laters, and I continuously heard smacking sounds. So I told her, "Can you stop smacking? It's annoying." Then she said, "I can't, it's a juicy type of candy." So I said, "I can stop the candies from making that sound." Then she said, "How?" So I smacked her. :)
My joke: You have to guess, answers come at 3:00. Why did the cow jump into space?
Hint... it smelled its favorite food π± and saw its future!
That hint was technically the whole answer. Can you guess in 3 hours? Lol, I will be posting every time, and my giveaway starts at 5:00: my mega fly ride bat dragon π and five jungle eggs.
Do you put a baby in the microwave covered or uncovered?
Covered, it can take weeks to clean up the explosion.
What's the difference between a high street betting firm and a prostitute?
You can get on with a prostitute!
Why can orphans only use Samsung?
Because they don't have a home button.
β Can I borrow a book [on] how to kill myself?
β Librarian: No, because you wonβt bring it back.
A patient visiting his doctor asked him if he had ever laughed at a patient.
The doctor said, "I have never in 25 years of practice ever laughed at a patient."
Reassured, the patient drops his trousers and underpants.
Immediately the doctor burst out into loud raucous laughter when he sees that the patient has a penis the size of a cocktail sausage.
After about 10 minutes the doctor manages to get himself under control.
Swiftly apologising he says to the patient, "Sorry about that. How can I help you?"
The patient says, "Have you got any cream for it? It's swollen."
Why do orphans play GTA? So they can be wanted.
Mom told me drugs are my enemies.
Jesus said to like your enemies.
Yay, I can like drugs then!
Why is a pro fighter like a fisher?
They both can throw a hook.
Q: How do you get a squirrel to like you? A: Act like a nut! π
Q: Why don't eggs tell jokes? A: Because they'd crack each other up.
Son: Dad, can you put my shoes on? Dad: No, son, I don't think they would fit me.
I'm on a seafood diet. When I see food, I eat it.
I used to hate facial hair, but then it grew on me.
I'm glad we're all going virtual so I can cuss in front of my class and blame it on my stupid siblings.
What's the difference between a frog and a skyscraper? The frog can jump. Hahahahaha!
Orphan kids only play GTA5 so they can be wanted.
What's the difference between a phone and a girl? You can turn it off whenever you want.