Blowjob jokes
A man walks into a restaurant. The waitress hands him a menu and it says: "Hot dog: $2, Hamburger: $5, Blowjob: $10."
He asks the waitress, "Are you the one who gives the hand jobs?"
She says, "Yes, I am."
He tells her, "Good. Can you go wash your goddamn hands? Because I want a hot dog."
What’s the best thing about a blowjob?
The ten minutes of silence.
Did you know "bj" ends with "job" because if you are giving a man a blow job, it sucks? But if you’re giving it to a woman, it's called "eating out" because it’s a privilege.
What do you call a blowjob from a girl who has autism?
Special head.
What does a blowjob and a bonus check have in common?
Someone’s always willing to blow your bonus.
Why was the snowman smiling?
Because he saw the snow blower coming down the street.
Why do men give cold women their jackets?
No man wants a blowjob from a woman with chattering teeth.
Why do vegans use blowjobs?
Because they can’t take real meat.
My sister is so stupid, she thought LBJ was Spanish for blowjob.
My two friends came to me one day and said they had the best blowjob that they ever had from my little sister. So I ask my sister, "Is it true that you gave my friends blowjobs?" She said yes.
My sister asked me, "Do you want one?" I said yeah. My sister gave me a blowjob and wow, just like my friends, it was the best blowjob that I ever had. As an older brother, I couldn't be more prouder.
Why do physically disabled gay men like performing blowjobs on well-endowed, abled-bodied gay men?
Because physically disabled gay men prefer eating pepperoni than eating sausage links for dinner 🍽
How is tightrope walking like getting a blowjob from someone ugly?
If you want to enjoy either, you absolutely can’t look down.
Where can a gay male that is abled bodied find the location of a glory hole if he is looking for a free and anonymous blowjob from another gay male?
From a physically disabled gay male who is either at the gym 💪 💪 🏋️♂️ or at the rest area ♿️ 🚹 🚽.
My girlfriend used to give the best blowjobs, then she grew teeth.
What do you call a blowjob in Africa?
Breakfast.
Jill goes home one night with a guy she met at a club. He's tall, super hot, and seems different than most guys she meets. They arrive at his place and head straight to his room. Jill can't help but notice a shelf full of teddy bears. On the bottom are small teddy bears, on the middle are medium-sized teddy bears, and finally, on the top are large teddy bears, all lined up beside each other.
She begins to think that he is sentimental and sweet, and isn't afraid to show it. Her heart melts and she want to give him the best night of his life. She gives him a blowjob, and lets him really give it to her, and even takes it in the rear! In the morning, she slowly gets dressed, and smiles at him and asks, "How was that?" He nods and says, "Not too fuckin' bad at all. Help yourself to a prize on the second shelf!"
Why do blonde prostitutes prefer blowjobs?
They hate it when you hand it to them.
My girlfriend gave me the best blowjobs, then she grew teeth.
The highest level of trust in the world is when two cannibals are each giving each other blowjobs.
How is being in the military like getting a blowjob?
The closer you get to discharge, the better you feel.