Banter jokes

You’ve got something on your face. Wait, no, it’s just missing something. My dick.

Friend: Stop with the self harm jokes, they're not funny.

Me: It's not that deep. I'll cut it out.

Me: Do you like smash?

Friend: Smash Rolls?

Me: No, Smash DEEZ NUTS!

Friend: AHHHHH (*moans)

Me and my friend roasting each other.

Him: Your dad dropped you on purpose, but my dad dropped me by accident.

Me: But after dropping you, he never picked you up.

Me: I need a good roast.

My friend: Take me!

I have two things I wanna say:

1. When people swear, stop taking it so fucking literally. If someone calls you a bitch, they're not calling you a female dog. If they call you a cunt, they're not calling you a woman's private part, they are calling you either an idiot, scaredy cat/baby, or something along those lines, ffs.

2. wtf

My grandpa and your hairline go way back.

It's funny dating someone smarter than you. My girlfriend knows how to push my buttons but never takes into account what a dick I can be if need be. Let me explain. Say, for example, she calls me retarded, I remind her that she's dating me.

What did Jim say to Jeff?

"I killed your ham."

Immigration jokes just cross the line.