Baby Sitting jokes

Kid's uncle: "Your mum said you can have your friends round tonight! But I'm gonna have to baby sit today."

Kid: "OK THANK YOU."

(AT BED TIME)

Kid: "Please may you stop touching my leg BEN!"

Ben: "I'm not."

(Turns light on) Kid: "UNCLEEEEE STOP SPILLING MILK OVER ME!!!"

What is not the definition of prostitution?

A dumb blonde that got money for babysitting. Does it cycle now?

Kids in the backseat make accidents, and accidents in the back seat make kids.

When I was watching my daughter at the park earlier, another parent asked a man, "Which one is yours?" and he replied, "I'm still choosing." She looked horrified.

I don't like to use the word "kidnapping". So I just use the term: "surprise adoption."

Five little monkeys jumping on the bed,

One fell off and bumped his head.

The momma called the doctor and the doctor said...

“We’re calling Child Protective Services.”

As a little boy, I walked in on my parents having intercourse one night, and of course, my parents stopped and sent me back to bed.

The next day my dad tells me, "Don't worry son, I wasn't hurting mommy, we were just trying to make you a little sister."

So, when I was young I always wanted a pet. I then looked at my father and asked, "Could you do mommy doggy style next time? I want a puppy."