And jokes
We used to have Reagan, Jonny Cash, and Bob Hope. Now we have Biden, no cash, and no hope.
I was walking down the street and I punched a white guy, then I was arrested for assault. The next day after I got out, I punched a black guy and I was arrested for impersonating a police officer.
My German girlfriend likes to rate our sex on a scale of 1-10.
Last night we tried anal, and she kept shouting “9!”
That's the best I've done so far.
Why did the rapper become a MATH TEACHER?
Because he was good with bars and beats.
What's the difference between football and rape? Women don't like football.
What's the difference between a joke and three cocks? You can't take a joke.
What's the difference between a dead person and a walkie-talkie?
A dead person does not walkie or talkie.
Michael Jackson and Kelly Clarkson both did shady stuff to children. Michael Jackson said that there is nothing wrong with sharing a bed with unrelated small children. Kelly Clarkson said that there is nothing wrong with physically beating a small child.
The thing is, though, only one of them made "Billie Jean" or "Beat It", and the other is just a typical karaoke country singer. So no surprise people gave Wacko Jacko a pass.
Why do people from Alabama abhor eating tacos and burritos?
Because their meat has to be in bread.
Why are Alabamians so resentful of immigrants?
They don't want their sons and daughters to have sex with anyone other than their siblings or relatives.
Today, I operated on a little girl. She needed O-negative blood. We didn’t have any, but her twin sister has O-negative blood. I explained to her that it was a matter of life and death. She sat quietly for a moment, and then said goodbye to her parents. I didn’t think anything of it until after we took her blood and she asked, “So when will I die?” She thought she was going to give her life for her sister. Thankfully they both died.
What's your mom and a dog got in common?
Both will lick dick if you put peanut butter on it.
What's the difference between BTS and Futurama? There's only one Bender in Futurama.
What’s the difference between Swifties and rap fans?
One rap fan has a higher IQ than every Swiftie combined.
What’s the difference between rap lovers and the Gigachad?
Rap lovers get more pussy.
My wife and I have decided that we do not want children.
If anybody does, please send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.
What does a bridge and a fat chick have in common They both get laid by Mexicans
What’s the similarities between a pillow and your mom?
They’re both in my bed.
A bus full of ugly people is driving down the street. The bus crashes and everyone goes to heaven. They see Saint Peter, and he feels bad for them and grants them one wish before they go into heaven. The first one says, "I wish to be attractive." The second one says the same.
Meanwhile, the 3rd person in line is giggling and snickering and laughing while Saint Peter is granting wishes. Curiously, he asks why he is laughing. He says, "I was going to wish that they turned ugly again."
What's the difference between a Nazi and an onion? If you cut a Nazi, nobody is crying.