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And jokes

What do an orphan and a homeless person have in common?

They have no one to call "Dad."

It hasn't been the same since Kobe died. I can't say "Kobe" anymore when going to shoot a shot. Now I have to say, "Kobe crash!"

Three men are on a bench in Soviet Russia talking shit about Stalin. One of the men all of a sudden pulls out a KGB badge and says, "You two are coming with me for treason." One of the other men also pulls out a badge and says, "Not me." The third man pulls out a badge and says, "Wow? There's a lot of agents here."

What does a penis and a Rubik's cube have in common?

The more you play with it, the harder it gets.

If I had a dollar for every gender there is, I'd have two dollars and a lot of counterfeits.

So, there was this girl on the street that had no arms or legs, that said "Hey sir, I've never been fucked before, will you do the honors and fuck me?" So, I threw her in the ocean and said "Well, your fucked now."

It's Christmas morning, and all the decorations are done, but the tree looks like it's missing something. *grabs the noose*

What’s the difference between an orphan and a watermelon?

One is fun to hit with a sledge hammer, and the other one is just a watermelon.

How do Chinese people name their kids?

They throw them down the stairs and see what noise they make! WA WA WAAAAAAAAAAAA!

What's the difference between an apple and an orphan?

The apple always gets picked. 😂😂😂😂😂😂

Teacher makes 1 kid recite the ABCs and the other count to 10.

Teacher: You can kill 2 birds with 1 stone.

Little Johnny goes home and throws a rock at two birds. One dies. He gives his dad a concussion from the rock hitting his head.

Johnny at school: You can kill a bird and give a man a concussion.

One day a couple was walking when the man stepped on something hard and squishy, then they heard a sound from the bushes. Instead of looking down, they both ran.

Two years later, they turned on the TV to find Ted Bundy on trial. They asked him if he has ever been caught. He said, "No, but a couple was walking as soon as I killed a girl. I jumped into a bush. They didn't know I was there, but the man stepped on the dead body but didn't look down, then he and his girlfriend ran."

A policeman found a dead body of a man on the street. He thought he recognized the body and the 2 friends he usually hung out with, so he called in one of the friends.

The friend looked into the dead body's face and said, "Yep, that's definitely Joe," but then, to be absolutely sure, he turned the body over, pulled down the back of his pants, and said, "Oh no, wait, that's not Joe." The policeman called in the 2nd friend. The 2nd friend looked into the dead body's face and said, "Yep, that's definitely Joe," but then, to be absolutely sure, he turned the body over, pulled down the back of his pants, and said, "Oh no, wait, that's not Joe." Confused, the policeman asked, "How is it that when you look into his face you're sure he is your friend, but when you look at his ass you're sure he is not?"

The 1st friend said, "Well, you see, Joe has 2 assholes." "Are you serious?" the policeman asked. "Oh yes," he replied, "we've never actually seen them, but when the 3 of us hang out together people point and say, 'Hey, there's Joe with those 2 assholes.'"

If I have ligma and you have ligma, how about you ligma balls? 😏 (It’s all about how you pronounce the end.)