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Today, my family visited Disneyland. When we got to the hall of fame, I was shocked to find a statue of the BielefeldMan.

The tour guide said, "That’s Lewandisney. He owns the biggest collection of Disney TAP-INS and is a Mickey Mouse clubhouse member." Well done Lewandisney!

So I stayed at home for Halloween when I suddenly hear a knock on my door. I open and I see Penandes! I was confused and asked him why he does not wear a costume, and he said he doesn't need to.

Then I realized that he's a ghost and gave him 3 candies. Enjoy the candies Pruno!

I was shopping for a halloween costume, but once we got to the ghost section all of the costumes were out of stock! It turned out Pristiano Penaldo was buying them all! I came up to him and asked why he was doing this and he said: I’m sorry, but it’s match day, I must be a ghost 👻👻

I can't believe what just happened. I was at the bowling alley having a great time with my girlfriend when suddenly a man took all of our bowling pins! I asked him why and he said he needed more tapins to keep his career relevant. I instantly realized it was Penaldo!

What does a child molester and a Catholic priest have in common? They both prey at church.

It's so sad that Stephen Hawking has a whole category on here about him and he can't stand up for himself.

What's the difference between a dead baby and an orange?

I don't keep a trash bag full of oranges in my basement.

What's the difference between a baby and a salad?

I'm not in jail for tossing a salad.

How did the Germans conquer Poland so fast? They marched in backwards and the Polish people thought they were leaving.

My dad told me and my sister to stop arguing, so I threw her out the window instead.

A bus full of nuns die in a car crash and end up at the pearly gates where Saint Peter greets them, "Hello sisters, welcome to heaven. Before you enter, I must ask you all a question." He asks the first nun, "Have you ever touched a penis?" Well, she said, "Just once, with the tip of my little finger." "Ok, dip it in the holy water and you can enter." He repeats the question to the second nun. Well, she says, "I might of held one once." "Ok," says St. Peter, "wash your hands in the holy water and you can enter." Just then, there's a commotion down the line. One nun is trying to push in front of another. St. Peter says, "Sister Susan, there is no rush, you will get in." "That's fine," she replies, "but if I have to gargle that stuff, I want to get in before Sister Mary sticks her arse in it."

What's the difference between humans and mushrooms? I don't like eating mushrooms.

So little Johnny was walking to the bathroom, and he said, "Grandma," said, "why is the blood coming out of your ###😥 I need to call help."

I told a blonde she needed gas for her car, and she farted into the gas tank.

What's the difference between an orphan's dad and a boomerang?

The boomerang comes back.

Q: What do a blond girl and a tornado have in common? A: There's a lot of blowing and sucking, then you lose your house.