And jokes

Breaking news: Man with Alzheimer's forgets he's blind and recovers from visual impairment.

I got more followers than Charli, because I brought a bottle of filtered water and food through Africa.

Blondes like their men how they like their rice: brown, 500 at a time, and all in her bowl.

Check out my new song. It’s called “Nlggas in the hood,” and it’s really good, so go listen.

I love to decorate my room because it's a great way to express your heart, though I just remembered, my room is pretty black and empty...

True fact: Five out of six people think Russian roulette is safe.

(Russian roulette is a game where you put 1 bullet in a pistol that has 6 chambers; each person spins it and tries not to land on the bullet to find out if you got the bullet or not. You point the gun at yourself and pull the trigger.)

What’s the difference between a baby and an onion?

I cry peeling onions!

What do blind kids and orphans have in common?

Neither can see their parents.

This boy in my high school choir class had a decently big forehead, so I leaned in and said, "You know, if you painted an H on your forehead, maybe Kobe would've landed."

My back is straighter than I am, and I literally have scoliosis.

You wanna know how to get rid of potential scam callers?

Next time you get a call from them, just answer the phone and say, "Pizza Hut abortion clinic, where yesterday's loss is today's sauce, how may I help you?"

What's worse than sticking 12 raw oysters up your grandma's pussy and sucking them out?

Sticking 12 raw oysters up there and sucking out 13.

There is one difference between autistic kids and vegetarians.

They're both vegetables in serotonin ways.

Vape company: Hey, want some lung cancer and a nicotine addiction?

Teens: NO WAY!

Vape company: But it’s mango flavored!

Teens: O OK. 😤

I was tickling my step brother's balls, and then it hit me: why is he laughing?

Q. What walks through alleys and has a hole in it?

A. Batman's parents.

What is the difference between an apple spread and an orphan spread?

Apples get picked.

I was in class doing sex education. We were learning about sexual stereotypes.

My teacher turns to the class and asks, "If anyone could tell him what a sexual stereotype was?"

So I raised my hand and said, "Asians have small penis." He looked at me and said, "Very good, but I was looking for a definition."

The best way to tell someone that you don't like them is by texting them "370HSSV 0773H" and tell them to read it upside down.

BF: Babe, I have two questions.

GF: Ok, ask!

BF: Where have you been all my life?

GF: Aww, that's so sweet. And the second question?

BF: Can you please go back there?